Nov. 18, 2020

Episode 10 Jaeda

Episode 10 Jaeda

We talk to Jaeda an RN that deals with mental health. During our conversation we discuss her life as a member of the LQBTQIA+ community, her trial and tribulations, her opinions and what the word dlooks like through the lens of a health care professional.

Transcript
Eric:

Hello and welcome to the Q lounge podcast. We are your hosts. I'm Eric

Gil:

I'm Gil.

Eric:

Join us as we discuss news stories and life situations. As they relate to the LGBTQIA plus experience, please visit us@theqloungepodcast.com and hit that subscribe button or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, and welcome to The Q lounge. I'm Eric

Gil:

and I'm Gil.

Eric:

And today we are joined by Jaeda. Hi Jaeda.

Jaeda:

I'm good. Hi, Eric, Hi Gil. Hello?

Eric:

Hi. How's everything going for you?

Jaeda:

It's actually going great.

Eric:

That's good. you're an RN,

Jaeda:

right? Yes, I am.

Eric:

So how is everything for you in a COVID kind of world?

Jaeda:

it's interesting because COVID hit and everything stopped for everybody. Everything changed for everybody, but me, I was like, Oh crap, I still have to work. I still have to be vulnerable. And all I want to do is sit at home and be like, the rest of the world all sad.

Gil:

Yeah.

Eric:

And you put you into like warp speed, all the medical professionals into warp speed. So thank you so much for your commitment to. Everybody during this time. So I just don't think healthcare professionals are getting quite the thank you so thank you so much.

Gil:

Yes.

Jaeda:

Thank you. Actually, it's my job, but it's My passion too. So I can't say that I deserve it more than anyone, but we do what we do.

Eric:

it's a hard job and it's an important job. So thank you for putting yourself out there so that the rest of the country and the rest of the world can hopefully get better and beat this by at some point, although Pfizer's vaccine sounds promising.

Jaeda:

yeah, Pfizer has been working on it for a while now, so it's not something that just popped up out of the blue Pfizer has been having their eye on this Corona virus mutation for a while. So I'm pretty hopeful.

Eric:

I know there's different forms of Corona SARS was a Corona virus, and so is, Middle Eastern, Upper Respiratory Syndrome.

Jaeda:

Is that, yeah.

Eric:

So those are all Corona. that's good to know so when did you realize you were a part of the LGBTQIA+ community?

Jaeda:

I was really young. and I just hid from it. I was like, Oh no, I think it was probably about five, four or five. Okay. But I also thought I wasn't, because what I thought, the stereotypical lesbian or girl who likes girls or girls who liked other was like, I didn't fit into that category like whatsoever. all I knew at that time was I liked looking at other girl's, butts, and that was that.

Eric:

What was it like for you to come out?

Jaeda:

It was tough. I came out then I got. unapologetically thrown back in almost. And then I was like, you know what, few years later it was like, so yeah, I got pushed back here. And then when I decided to come back out. It was, cathartic, because at that point I was like, I've already got out, everybody should remember, but, The response I got was nothing like the first go round and it's almost even more intense. my first around I came out mostly to my friends and then a friend of mine, or I thought a friend of mine backstabbed me. And at that time told my boyfriend and that didn't end well, he and I had been together for quite a long time and I wanted that opportunity. So I kinda got pushed back in and. Then when I got into my twenties and I realized, this is who I am. And I came out again. I was expecting people to be like, okay, this is who you are. but it wasn't, it was actually like, what's wrong with you? I thought you grew out of that phase. And I was like, I had no idea it was a phase. I don't think it is

Gil:

well especially you're. A person of color, just like we are. So how was that within, our cultures? We know how was that for you with a family, especially.

Jaeda:

Yes. And it's funny because like my dad growing up, he had gay friends, he was a firefighters, so he had lesbian friends. He had gay friends and I don't know if it was just because I was his daughter. But it was just like, not the response I was expecting and I brought home a stripper. and he was just like, no, this is not my daughter. And. Yeah, it was heartbreaking because he didn't really officially say it to my face, but he never didn't say it to my face. If that makes sense.

Eric:

Yeah, no, it does. Like just by implication or actions,

Jaeda:

body language, she'd come over and he'd always be like, Oh, your friend is here. And I'm like, yeah. Okay.

Eric:

Oh yeah. That's harsh.

Jaeda:

Yeah. And it's hard being Black and gay because those two just don't go together. It's a whole hyperbole, like you don't do this, you don't do that. You're a Christian, you're a woman of God. And I'm like, I can't be any of those things and gay.

Eric:

Yeah. It depends on who you ask, but yeah, I completely see your point. And I agree with you. I agree with you obviously, but, did you have any societal problems when you came out?

Jaeda:

yes, actually I got discriminated against, in a living situation actually lost equal housing because instead of the person thinking we were roommates, he realized we were lovers. And, he proceeded to like sabotage our living arrangement. He would do things where the upstairs neighbor would flood their stuff and it would come into our closet and he'd say, Oh, I guess you guys have to move now. And we went to a couple different avenues to try and get some help. and this is in the late nineties, early two thousands. And I can't say that we were as supported as I thought we would be by the community. I don't know if it was because we're just a couple of strippers and they're like, yeah, you guys, aren't serious. you dance around for men. There's no way you liked each other. And it's you'd be surprised

Eric:

guys are toxic assholes.

Jaeda:

And especially when they have money, it's

Gil:

duh.

Eric:

I love strippers and I don't just like love strippers because, Oh, they're so fun. And they're great to look at, but strippers really hustle and they actually can teach you a thing or two about life in the world.

Jaeda:

the world's

Eric:

fucks you over all the time for money, stripper. It's Hey, if you're going to pay me to do this then fine just give me your money.

Jaeda:

I love, I don't shame anyone in the sex industry. And I don't believe that because you're in the sex industry that you're either gay, lesbian, trans, I believe that sex work is one of the oldest things, and one of the oldest careers and when people want to get into their feelings about it, it's like, how else did we get here? Yeah. If there was no sex to be had, so it's you're either getting paid for it or you're getting screwed and I'm all about getting paid. So

Eric:

yeah, I can use it for free Eric.

Jaeda:

All this time I've been having,

Eric:

I'm a huge advocate for sex work and sex workers. I'm actually starting a t-shirt line coming up for the advocates for. Decriminalizing sex work and

Jaeda:

sex work. yeah, and maybe even giving it a more healthy Avenue because. There are reasons. Some people don't form relationships and sex doesn't necessarily have to be a part of that. There's something your partner isn't giving you. Oh, that's a whole nother ball game.

Eric:

Hey, you have the floor. If you want to talk about that.

Jaeda:

Soap box and slippery, but if you seriously, if you have a desire and your partner is the love of your life, but they're just not meeting it. And it's maybe something they're not even capable of meeting and a sex worker is get her paid. Yeah, her paid, get you laid and keep yourself happy for your partner.

Eric:

That's a good way to think about it. I've never thought about it that way.

Jaeda:

Yep. Yeah. I can't be happy with somebody if I'm not my best self and I can't expect someone to be happy with me if they're not their best self either. That's how I feel about the Will and Jada entanglement.

Eric:

Yeah, that's an interesting

Jaeda:

part of that entanglement for like ever, if I didn't know, we was backing into. I wouldn't have been no. August, may, June, July.

Eric:

Did you have any difficulty with self-acceptance?

Jaeda:

Yes. I still do some days because It's one thing to be gay and to be like ultra gay and everybody knows it, but when you're a lesbian, there's this fine line. You're either super femme or you're super butch. And you can't cross the line for both. I don't know why the misogyny is so real within our own community. But it's there and I happen to be both. I can strap it on. I can also lay back, like I don't consider myself butch, but I could also change a tire or, fix your heater. Yeah. The couch, I was going to build you a sofa and then fuck you on it. at the same time, I'm also very nurturing. I'm also very feminine. I loved makeup and hair and I had a kid, I'm a mom. So it's That struggle in my head because I sucked a Dick. Does that make me any less lesbian than I know I am? the answer is we'll see, to be continued.

Gil:

Hey,

Eric:

people are very fluid these days, so

Jaeda:

yeah.

Eric:

Yeah. Yeah, we are. all alphabet keeps getting bigger and bigger.

Jaeda:

I told you we might as well take it all.

Eric:

Why not

Jaeda:

throw it together? That's what the world is about.

Eric:

So I have a question for you cause Gil and I have talked about this, like for us coming out, it took me forever to accept it was just a mess, even though everyone kind of knew, but we always played the Oh, I'm BI.

Jaeda:

Yeah. and then we're

Eric:

like, yeah, we're really not. Which makes it harder for people who truly are bi, because people are not as. Accepting of it for them because Oh no, you're just playing that card or being stingy or whatever. And then we know we have noticed, but we could be wrong in this. That's why I'm asking you. It always seemed like women were more accepted if they were lesbian or BI than if a guy was gay. I would

Jaeda:

absolutely say that's part of that misogyny and the leaking over and the whole heterosexual male hierarchy. If you asked me, it's just, it's ingrained in our brains. Blue was boy pink is girl. And that's just that. so I intentionally, when I had my son, he was, he came out gorgeous, full head of hair, looked just like a little baby girl. He's bad as hell too. But anyhow, he came out. He's a man. He knows he has one too. that's the worst. And when he came out, I made it a point to not. Decorate blue or pink or any of those things. I made it a point to keep the whole room, rainbow themes, primary colors. I let him decide, when we'd go to the store, if he wanted to play with dolls or balls or whatever he wanted to do, I made it a point to not guide him in a direction. Because I wanted him to understand that he could be both nurturing and masculine, feminine and wholesome and manly. in that same respect, when it comes over to how being a female, it's easier to accept that if you're a lesbian. yeah, because. You see it already, we talk about commercials with boobs and Playtex and vaginas and periods like women and women go together. They go to the bathrooms together, Oh yeah. They have a kiss. That's a fetish now as opposed to it being someone's lifestyle. So the acceptance is easier when someone's looking at you as a subject and not necessarily as a human. And so when they think of men together, they're like, Oh my God, they automatically think of the sexual act. They want to know who's the top, who's the bottom. Who's really, not realizing that sex is fluid as well. There's a lot of things you can do with it that doesn't necessarily include just direct penile vaginal penetration. And because people look at. Our identification as the sexual activity. It's definitely easier for people to accept a woman being a lesbian or BI than them to think of men being demasculated.

Eric:

Yeah, no, I totally agree with that said like our society's built so much on toxic masculinity, and I think it's amazing that you've raised your son with such openness. The ability to just live, just to live his life.

Jaeda:

Yeah. And he chose boy, by the way. He's all little man.

Eric:

See, and that also shows, cause we always see those little things about you can't have two guys on TV kissing. Cause what does that say to the kids and what kind of influences that? And like I've seen hetero people kiss my whole life and that didn't make me any more hetero or any less. So I'm like, I still want a 15 inch Dick in my mouth. So come on now, right

Jaeda:

on. And in one in your mouth and in one in your yours,

Gil:

you get a Dick and you get a Dick.

Eric:

Everyone gets a Dick.

Jaeda:

That's how I feel about it.

Eric:

And so you have been with men before. And how was that? Was that like a confusing thing for you or just part of your fluidity?

Jaeda:

Like I said, it's part of my fluidity because I don't know. I even probably would say I choose men that are also just as fluid. I can't say that one way or another. I've definitely been with the manliest of men and he was always the top and so it's easier for me to be with a man that's less. Of, I guess a macho impact, especially when it comes to the bedroom, because I like a lot of different things and I want to express that to my partner. And you have to be open. You can't just be on the guy. I got the penis and I poke you. I'm not going to be amused. I'm going to need some dicks in other mouths and you can get a Dick.

Eric:

what do you think the biggest difference between men and women are for you?

Jaeda:

This is probably gonna get me eaten up by unpopular opinion, but I give no fucks. So I would have to say men underestimate the strength of a woman. And with that being said, Men have no idea how great a woman is. And so when you have male that are becoming female impersonators, drag Queens, or maybe even trans that's a statement. That's a huge statement. To your masculinity. Some people they call it sissifying I call it glorifying. I call it beautifying. I call it empowering, because to want to set aside everything that's. Making you stereotypically weak and join the opposite side and know what it feels like to be objectified and looked at in that way and gawked at for your boobs or your makeup or your hair. It's such an empowering experience. So I believe. But that's lost. And I really hate that men, especially men that dress like women. I love being a drag queen, are looked at as inferior or less than I always love watching videos where unsuspecting dudes go to. Bully a drag queen and they get they ass whooped by a woman in heels because it's I'm a woman, I'm a lady, but I will still come about and show you my power. And that's the difference. There's no power given. To the vagina, like it should be

Eric:

Yeah. It was like a meme, just a few months back, even instead of saying, grow some balls to grow some vagina because that thing takes up pounding and yeah, you barely graze it. And you're like, and

Jaeda:

you're like, Oop. And he's Ugh.

Gil:

Cripple,

Jaeda:

I can't move. And then you have slapped a vagina and she's yeah,

Eric:

you were talking earlier or you mentioned stereotypes earlier. Is there any stereotypes you think you fit or that people try to fit you in or pigeonhole you into?

Jaeda:

Yeah. people try to fit me into being a girly girl. and so it was, it's often hard for me to meet other women that like women, because they see me and they automatically think I'm BI. So I'm going to break their heart. I'm just over here having fun or, That she's just, there's no way, So it's really, it's hard. I walk around sometimes with nerves, cause like for me to go meet a guy and pull it down and have a fun with him for the night is not nearly as nerve-wracking. And so I feel like stereotype, Oh man, I know it's hard for me because they see me and they see my boobs and I'm dressed up and I've got makeup on and I'm wearing my Victoria secret and I'm looking really good, but I'm not very a typical what you would think a femme would be. yeah, I don't fall into any of those except for the one category. I try so hard to get out of. Which

Eric:

was

Jaeda:

that femme that fem lesbian. Yeah, totally not me.

Eric:

I'm also sure. because you were a dancer for years, and so I'm sure that's also helped with like mannerisms and the way you move and just the way you navigate through life. Like I know being, having been a dancer myself, everyone always thinks I'm super stuck up because I walk out with my chest up and my shoulders down and back really straight and. And I was like, Oh, he's just like floats through here. Like he's important or whatever. I'm like, honestly, that's just how I walk. I've been trained to have good posture.

Jaeda:

Sorry. I hear the Russian lady cracking a yard stick at me every time I slouch. I can't help.

Eric:

Yeah. I always tell a GIl like us dancers were beat down. To like nothing. We have to be void of emotion so that you can just feel what emotion we need to.

Jaeda:

Yes, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. You can't have them inside. They have to be outside. Always.

Eric:

Yeah. That's probably why I'm so dramatic about everything

Jaeda:

here. I am calling the kettle black.

Eric:

so Gil likes to ask this question a lot. do you have any divas we know like gay men always have their divas and like I'm a Janet fan and he's an Annie Lennox fan. But do you have a diva or do you have a Divo?

Jaeda:

Okay, so this question and when, first I know, you know who my diva is, my all time is yeah. I'm with you. I'm a Janet fan. love her, but I also have like multiple personalities. So if I'm going to go with my Divo, it would have to be don't hate me. between Bruno Mars and Justin Bieber. I cannot understand. I know I have the Bieber fever, but I do. And Bruno Mars could probably fit in my pocket and girl, every time

Eric:

Bruno Mars is awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I am actually, I'm not, I like Bieber. I like a lot of his older stuff, but his new song Lonely is amazing. Like I love that song. I think it's. it's a very emotional song. I think the first time I heard it, I was like, Oh my gosh, wipe the tears. Like the tears. This is exactly how I feel. I am a belieber.

Jaeda:

Yes.

Eric:

Although I did always root for him and Selena, but that's okay.

Jaeda:

no, I liked that he got with Haley, cause that was just like every little girl's dream come true. Like you meet the love of your life and you're like, come to marry him and you actually do have

Eric:

you. Yeah, no, I wish them all. Yeah, that's true. I wish them all the best that like, I'm not all mad, but I am. Oh, it's like rooting for Selena Gomez also, but she's doing her thing too. but yeah,

Jaeda:

but like Beyonce, by the way, I know all music, I know all her dances and I just sit there and I hate, and I'm like, Cause that could have been me. I could do it a whole lot better. Yes.

Gil:

Don't worry. We're going to get the hate mail for that one. That's

Jaeda:

fine.

Eric:

You know what? They burned me in effigy. Like I am stung by the bees all the time. I am not a Beyonce fan at all. I like some of her stuff, but. Yeah, I'm just, I'm not impressed with her vocals.

Jaeda:

Oh no,

Eric:

she can't. Thank you. She can not dance, and I discovered a lot of it is she always hits the two instead of the one.

Jaeda:

Yes. And she pops Pussy. So that's duh, of course it looks great.

Eric:

Yeah.

Jaeda:

anybody twerking and popping pussy, of course you look like you can dance, but really all she's doing is gyrating and flailing about while she's screaming at us.

Eric:

Oh, that's great. Yeah,

Jaeda:

I

Eric:

totally feel that same way.

Jaeda:

But my current all time idol, I know we keep going through this because I have a bunch of different personalities, but is Billie Eilish.

Eric:

I love

Jaeda:

her. I'm so glad she's 18. So I can say all the nasty and awful things. I wanted to say yo girl,

Eric:

she, her music is so mature. And Emotional and deep, especially for her age. Cause like a lot of it was when she was like 15, 16, and like she did, See Me in the Crown and Bury a Friend and Xanny and I, the first time I was introduced to her was actually watching choreographies to her music and I was like, Oh my gosh, who was the singer? this music is just amazing. Cause I love lyrically passionate music. And I was like, wow, she's like really young. Like, how is she singing? Like such mature music, but her stuff is lit. Like her stuff is,

Jaeda:

yeah. If she got body, I was like, hold up. That's why he dressed up all that baggy stuff. I want to be objectified. And here I am. Objectifying her, is that a curve? I see a curve.

Eric:

Have you had to face any demons or any struggles?

Jaeda:

Yes, all of them. So really particularly after having a baby, I had the most awful postpartum depression. I had no idea this other part existed. It's called postpartum anxiety and it led to me having a severe case of agoraphobia and. When I went through therapy and I did a lot of work inside myself, outside myself, it came down to the fact that I didn't know how to identify being someone's mom. I was like, I'm the wild rambunctious, gay stripper, like who. It's going to let me be the mama. Like I did. I kept saying it. So some people they'd be like, Oh my God, your baby I'm off. I'm somebody's mom like, Oh, he said, did y'all know I'm somebody's mom now, like that was the demon was realizing that I can still be his mom and still be me. And he was going to love me, even if being his dad didn't work out, which we didn't. He would still be able to know who I am and accept that we don't have the same type of family others grow up with, but it doesn't mean that my love and who I am for you is any different,

Eric:

but I think the nuclear family is it's just a bullshit thing anyways. Like the concept of it, like I

Gil:

get it from the, leave it to Beaver family. Yeah,

Eric:

no, I think. You need variety. They always say variety's the spice of life. And not cause even if your family looks perfect from the outside, we all know that it's not on the inside. Everyone has their skeletons. Everyone has some bodies buried somewhere.

Jaeda:

I keep my zipped up in the closet, my Gucci sprinkle lye on it every now and again, that's my ode to Pose, by the way, I love that show.

Eric:

I have not seen that show, which I know needs to see that show. I actually have every intention of watching that show. When I

Jaeda:

remove your gay card, can somebody reach over and grab it for me saying,

Eric:

have you seen it Gil? I

Gil:

have not I'm with you on this one. I'm so behind on everything,

Jaeda:

you know what, that's it. All right.

Eric:

I guess we can no longer have this podcast.

Gil:

We're going to call it the S Lounge.

Jaeda:

We're going to

Gil:

be talking about guns and cars, the only amendments the second. So let's continue.

Jaeda:

America. then we have to continue. We have to do another podcast after you guys catch up. Okay.

Eric:

Yeah, we will. we're actually thinking about doing, a podcast at some point where we do like a panel style. So always have you come back

Gil:

to that tea time with the Q lounge,

Eric:

you can also just have you back next season, and be like, we've actually seen it now. Jaeda. So let's talk Pose.

Jaeda:

I'll be able to tell you everything. No, it's a really important feature though. It's really important that it's made such groundbreaking movements that it's on FX, right? And it's accessible now on Netflix, others. It's it's very important for the LGBTQ I S P LMNO of G and community. Like I have to do it every time. I just love that we get all the letters. Okay.

Eric:

Inclusivity.

Jaeda:

Yes, because that's exactly what the world should be about. And Pose reminds us that in not such a far past, not so distant past that these things were completely unattainable. For our folks, for the family, Stonewall, wasn't just something that happened. And some pictures drag Queens with messed up makeup and eighties hairstyles, and seventies hairstyles, this was something that happened in my youth and I'm not old. And I dare someone tell me I am, because I know

Eric:

I'm the oldest

Jaeda:

one, but it's not that far, our old is when I'm dead. And you can say all that happened a hundred years ago, but it really didn't. And Pose reminds us that it's something that started long before we were able to self identify. And it's something that means to be. Curbed, we need to be included because if you continue to go down this path of negative light, the AIDS pandemic, where it was hard to believe that a straight woman would ever need to be tested for AIDS, her insurance wouldn't pay for it. Why would she need that? She's a straight woman in America and it's your husband visits the docks on weekends. He likes them girls that like, Don't have their parts removed. So you might have been exposed to HIV AIDS, and now you have to talk to your doctor about it. Like these are things that weren't so far behind us in healthcare and life, and it's important that we see it and remind ourselves that we're still fighting and we still deserve a piece of what makes America. I hate the word. Great. But good. I at least a little bit.

Gil:

Yeah. Yeah.

Eric:

yeah, I'm with you right there on that word right now. no, I think that's really important that what you said, and, there's still a lot of stigma around AIDS and HIV and you go in for an HIV test and for Oh, you're gay. Like they automatically just assume you are, whether you're not, or you are, it doesn't matter. And, Gil. And I were talking earlier about how, like U equals U and a lot of people don't understand that undetectable means untransmittatable. And with all the new medications that are out there, the new cocktails, the, pre-exposure prophylactics, which I can't take Truvada, but,

Jaeda:

I don't think anybody should ever take that stuff, but don't get me started. Is that for

Eric:

Truvada and Descovy or just Truvada?

Jaeda:

All of them think, yeah. The only way to be safe. And that goes for men sleeping with men, women sleeping with women and you guys know is to put them extras on.

Eric:

yeah. it doesn't protect you from other stuff,

Jaeda:

no, but being exclusive, Look, what kind of world we're in though? Honestly, there's just really no way, but I don't think you should ever add a medication to your body that could also leave you susceptible to other things. that you're more likely to catch than if you were to just say practice a healthy lifestyle.

Eric:

I get your point on that. I know some people take it as it's just like an extra barrier, like an extra tool to have in your toolbox, so

Jaeda:

yeah. Yeah. I don't see anybody that wants to take it. Do you? I just personally believe that the side effects and the lack of development.

Eric:

what are your opinions on cause Gil and I talked about this in one of our other episodes. We were talking about the Pulse massacre and how we were not able to donate blood.

Jaeda:

I hate the parameters. I can't donate blood. I actually have a really rare type that's super necessary and actually happened to have a condition that has me hyper produce large volumes of blood. So I'd be perfect, but because some of the reasons that they don't allow people to donate are strictly lifestyle based. There's no real science to back up that your blood is better or worse than mine. it's all exposure. If you ask anyone the right questions, they could have the right answers and that wrong answer still be hidden. You know what I mean? So like someone could be an IV drug user and have exposed themselves to hepatitis, but now they're clean and they're not being honest and we're using their blood. But because they are not gay or maybe they weren't exposed to some type of lifestyle. They're okay. Their blood's okay. And I just hate that because in all reality, blood is blood and our insides are pretty much the same without the outsides. Yeah, that hurt me a lot.

Eric:

I know they have opened up some of the parameters with COVID as far as the plasma, but even the parameters in which they opened it up to are still pretty ridiculous from what I've read and understood. if you've been with a man within the last three months, then you still couldn't donate your plasma and stuff like that.

Jaeda:

I'm like, fine shoot. I've been plenty of them in the last three months. What do you mean you don't need my plasma anyway? No, but yeah, I agree. I think it's all. what makes people feel comfortable? Oh, I've got blood donated from a straight person or I've got blood. That's never been tainted by and nobody knows any of that. It's always a risk.

Eric:

So what has being part of the LGBTQIA community taught you?

Jaeda:

it's taught me a level of pride and resilience. it's also taught me how ignorant, the Black community is, towards. Having all Black Lives Matter. Yep. I'm gonna go there. Here I go. Okay.

Gil:

Here we go.

Jaeda:

I posted in the very beginning of the Black Lives Matter movement, a picture of a trans Black man who was also in the military and with all the majors that were being, identified, was looking to be threatened to lose. His healthcare and the things that are allowing him to maintain being a man. Just to me, those are just basic essentials. Every man wakes up and they've got their hormones right in their body. Why can't every man wake up and have their hormones right in their body. You're willing to give a woman, a hormone to keep her from reproducing. Let's just go on and give everybody access to what they need. and I got backlash from quite a few people who said, I can't believe you. Put this person up there. Black people don't acknowledge that we're talking about proud Black people, not gay, proud lack people. And I was astonished. I was baffled. I even got Facebook banned for a week for calling folks out about it. Yeah. it's made me realize how ridiculous Black people can be towards one another. And. Even more so when it comes to sexuality,

Eric:

that's an interesting take. And Gil and I speak from a Latino perspective, like how it's hard for us, but,

Jaeda:

I get a lot of, Oh, I'd rather see two girls do it then two guys. And I'm just like, First of all, why are you watching anybody do anything that you weren't allowed to do? And second of all, yes, you have the right to choose whatever you like, but you can't say this is gross and that's better. And that's just that, and that's the standard. Everybody likes different things and not acknowledging or including just to me was a big slap in the face. I was like, see, and that's why you'll always be a KKK supporting coon because you obviously have it in your mind that the white man cares more about you and being pro man than he does about you understanding and including all men.

Eric:

Yeah. Yeah.

Jaeda:

I went there for a whole week.

Eric:

I've been put in Facebook jail a couple times and I got put in Twitter jail recently.

Jaeda:

I've been in Facebook jail right now. For a whole month and I may not get my account back, but Oh wow.

Eric:

Facebook message you. Then

Jaeda:

I can message, but I could see them. I just can't comment. They're like, no, you've said too much, bitch. You've reached your limit.

Gil:

Once I'm sure Donald gets out of office, then he, they should be banning his ass very quickly.

Eric:

let's hope

Jaeda:

dear God. I hope so. We're going to have to pry that man out with some scissors or something pliers.

Eric:

Yeah. He's already. Yeah. Do we want to go there?

Gil:

That's his own podcast.

Eric:

what lessons have you learned about yourself?

Jaeda:

I've learned. A lot about my own sexuality and what I require to be pleased and to not be ashamed of it and how to help others learn about their sexuality and to be pleased and not be ashamed of it.

Eric:

It's awesome.

Jaeda:

Yeah.

Eric:

And if you could tell young Jaeda anything, what would you tell her?

Jaeda:

I would tell her nobody can shove you into. The closet, once you come back out and once you're there and you're out, you can you can stay out. You don't have to live by anything else. Anybody else tells you don't have to hide who you are. You don't have to bow down and be humble and make others happy, because that only tears you down in the end. And it's the only thing that keeps you from growing later. So

Eric:

that's some great advice. Yeah.

Gil:

Don't hold back. Yeah,

Eric:

I think that's good. I think we are all guilty of keeping ourselves shrouded for a long time, because that's not what we think society wants or what we think our parents want or our friends want. And so we just live our lives trying to please everyone else. So there's like the least amount of conflict on either side. And so we never allow ourselves to fully express.

Gil:

Yeah, I think because we all wear those different masks for different, situations and after a while it gets tiresome. And then once you finally revealed, this is me, this is the way it is. But also it's easy to run away from your own personal demons, I think, with wearing the mask. And that's why it's some people takes longer than others to come to.

Jaeda:

Yeah, exactly. I totally agree. Oh, sorry.

Eric:

No, go ahead.

Jaeda:

I would also tell my young self to have more sex. Lots of it. And you're not a ho if you do

Eric:

I say the same thing too. Gil Had asked me this question in one of the earlier episodes. And I was like, I would tell myself to accept yourself and slut it up.

And

Eric:

be proud of it.

Jaeda:

I think,

Gil:

especially your young self, like being proud of your body, because as you get older, you look back at yourself with much kinder eyes and you're like, Oh my God, like when I look back something I'm like, you were beautiful. What the hell were you thinking? Or, it's you were skinny. You're not going to be in a 27 waist anymore. Gil, you're way past that you have one too many ice cream and bread.

Jaeda:

My favorite is my hairline's shifted.

Eric:

Yeah. So I have a whole cul-de-sac happening. Everything migrated downwards.

Jaeda:

Yeah. I can say though, that I'm almost 40 and I have no gray hairs. Thank you. Thank you. Genetics

Gil:

my gray kicking it.

Eric:

You can tell I'm like snow white here with the beard.

Jaeda:

So I happen to love gray. I think it's sexy. So there's that.

Eric:

Then I rock the gray. Yeah, my Barry White voice. Just kidding.

Jaeda:

He was like, yeah, baby, I'm gonna rock that gray for you.

Eric:

Yeah. That's one of my pickup lines. Do you use dating apps at all?

Jaeda:

no, I don't trust people. And then I really don't trust people behind apps. also I don't really find it hard to meet people. and even with an app I'm pretty shy so I'd have one and I'd be like, Hey, and they'd be like, yeah, I swipe left on you. And I'm all. Yeah, you could have swiped. like it would go just as tragic in real life as it were. So I might as well just face my demon and meet you up in public so I can further embarrass myself.

Eric:

what all stuff do you have going on now? Like any projects or anything that's going on with you?

Jaeda:

what I am doing is I'm trying to help devise a plan for the company that I'm working for. I am a nurse, but I'm in mental health. I believe that we have a large growing population of houseless individuals that also struggle with dual diagnosis, substance use disorder. And then, we have that added layer of, LGBTQIA family members call them family that are kicked out and abandoned that also carry mental illness and substance use disorders. And so they're floating in the system in this age group, or it's like the last chance to help somebody really make their life. More livable. I want it pilot, a program that helps and particularly carries these individuals, not just through their hospital experiences or their acute or their crisis emergencies, but even during the times where things are just normal and regular, that's maybe a buddy system, maybe someone to help them make sure they're getting to a dentist. twice a year or they have a PCP set up, so they don't go to the emergency room for a broken toe. I just want to make sure that there's that added layer of help. for that small, I don't want to call it small, but it's a small group of people that are just overlooked and left alone. So that's one of my projects I'm working on. And then. I

Eric:

that's beautiful, by the way.

Jaeda:

Thanks. Thanks. That's a lot of fun. It's challenging. Oh yeah. Then I suddenly become a homeschool teacher, which I'm going to need a fucking raise for. Okay. Cause nobody told me that I was not a pleasure to have in class. And nobody told me that my son is an even worse, not in pleasure to have in class and I'm losing my shit. So trying to learn how to be a better parent teacher. Okay. So I've been reading

Gil:

for that.

Eric:

This is one of those moments where I'm like, I'm so glad I don't have kids

Jaeda:

well live in the life one day and he came down and he was like, mom, I was all shit. I forgot you were here.

Gil:

Yeah.

Jaeda:

I guess that's my cue. What you want. yeah, it's really hard because I'm also having to keep. His mental health and my mental health stable. he's a lot like me. so he's also an extroverted introvert. so he's been enjoying the time, not having to get up and go see people every day. And that just roll out of bed and get on his laptop to do his homework and then go back to Fortnite and screaming at people through the team. So that's going great. Yeah, but him being my only child and it just being the two of us, I worry. Am I making him too weird? and then I look at us TikTok and I know I'm making him too weird. So I'm trying to figure out how to balance being somebody's mom and wanting to get back into the dating scene. And COVID and school life. Yeah, that's my project.

Gil:

2020 in a nutshell.

Jaeda:

I need my pay back. I didn't get any unemployment.

Eric:

I actually wanted to ask you, cause you were just talking about, you've worked a lot with mental health and mental health in the LGBTQIA community. Is that something you want to talk about now? Or should we do that on another podcast

Jaeda:

that we can talk about it?

Eric:

I know there's a high occurrence of like depression and addiction and suicide within the LGBTQIA plus community. And just, I like to have you shed a little bit of light on that for the listeners.

Jaeda:

Yeah. The number one, thing that kills. Our LGBTQ adolescent youth. and I'll even bring it up until the early twenties. I'd say from like ages 12 to 24, is suicide. And that is really scary because suicide in that age group is actually the highest thing that kills them. So not only is it the. Most effective way to die, I guess you could say in that age group, but it's also more likely to happen from our LGBTQIA youth. And that's scary because we only make up such a small amount that's to say that those numbers represent one hole community. It's like we're losing an entire generation. every year

Eric:

would you say that's the societal.

Jaeda:

Absolutely. We don't have very many places for them to go. shelters, particularly, They house individuals, according to a high basic needs. So usually shelters or housing, older men, you don't really even find housing for young females, or young trans, individuals. You don't find. homeless shelters that will allow them to be there safely. So they're often finding other means to stay safely on the streets at night, whether it be learning a new trick for real, or, putting themselves into a dangerous situation. So it's pretty intense. I see a lot of bad things happening to the kids, just because there is no place for them to go and a place to hang out. parents are really quick to kick your kid out. When you know, you don't meet the family's ideas. that still happens. you still hear of homeless youth. Because they came out as gay and then where do they go? They don't fit being able to be housed in residential care because they're not mentally ill. but maybe they develop some type of mental illness from either PTSD or exposure. God knows what and it's so it's like the gray area. There's no help.

Eric:

That's really upsetting. And then you have. Big portion of society that thinks that it's a choice and thinks that conversion therapy works. And that's another topic we can get on another podcast. yeah, and people just want to blame the individual without putting any resources out there for people to understand better or to educate themselves.

Jaeda:

Yeah, just even safe places to go and exist. boys and girls clubs used to be places of rec for children who didn't really have that extra stimulation or their families couldn't afford sending them to real camps and stuff. there's no thing offered by the government for that for our kids. It's you chose to be that way. So now. Go find your own home.

Eric:

So ignorant. I hate when people make that assumption. I have a choice. Yeah.

Gil:

with getting younger people involved in politics to start changing the directive or like the direction that we're going with our tax money, instead of funding, more military or certain things, it's Maybe you put it back into the communities and have those open, honest discussion. I think that's what 2020 for me has been a big eye-opener it's the shits there. Like me. I work in San Francisco. I see the, the homeless has gone up drastically you see the youth on the street. It's sad if they're in my store stealing, like food. I'm not gonna disclose where I work, am I going to be going after them? No, we know the situation, but it's part of the government's job. I'm like we have, we pay taxes. Where are taxes going? do we pay a little bit more, it, that's why I'm hoping my optimism is with the youth and we get involved and change it. Part of the solution.

Jaeda:

Yes. Yeah,

Eric:

absolutely. The youth has really come through, I think, and I think this last election, it's actually proof of the youth and people of color. So I guess

Gil:

we're here.

Jaeda:

Yeah. You want to build a wall too bad. We're all here.

Gil:

This country's gonna be Brown and Black majority here in a hot minute. So get used to it, the little

Jaeda:

wall around the white house to make up for the fact that he couldn't make real dreams.

Gil:

Oh, God. Yes, but I'm so proud of what you're doing. Cause that's, like I said, it just takes one person and it's a good building block and we, the youth need people like you who are like giving back. We all see what you're doing. You're putting everything into action and that's wonderful.

Jaeda:

Yeah, I have a huge plan. I don't want to disclose, but I do have a plan. I even have it planned down to medication therapy, psychotherapy, different things that I find helped me along in my journey to be better. I even want to include yoga. There was this very awesome person that got me into yoga. My morals. He also has this really sexy voice. So like when you're in this deep position and he was like, yeah.

Eric:

And, meet this yoga teacher.

Gil:

Man. I remember my yoga teacher played the Janet mix. You hear the voice? You're just like, Oh, okay. I got,

Jaeda:

I am relaxed. I'll give you his number, Eric.

Eric:

thank you so much for being a part of this. And for doing this podcast, we really appreciated you coming by and chatting with us.

Jaeda:

Thank you guys for, including me and my voice. All of them, all the voices.

Eric:

thank you so much and thank you to all our listeners and we look forward to having you in The Q Lounge again. Thank you.

since the initial recording of this episode. Moderna also has a vaccine that shows promising results.

Gil:

Thank you for joining us. We hope you enjoyed your time in the Q lounge. If you have any questions, comments, suggestions on topics, or you would like to be a guest or contributor, please email us at info.TheQlounge@gmail.Com or through our contact page at theqloungepodcast.com while you're there hit that subscribe button or listen wherever you get your podcast. If you would like to further support us, hit that donation button

Eric:

until next time live in your authenticity.