Season 5, Episode 8

0:07

Welcome to the Q Lounge. The Q Lounge. Be our sugar Audi, the Q Lounge. Live your authenticity. Be our sugar down. Welcome to the Q Lounge. The Q Lounge Sugar down living.

Eric: 0:32

Hello and welcome to the Q Lounge, a podcast where we like to discuss news, stories, and life situations as it re relates to the lgbtqia plus experience. I'm Eric, and I'm Gill. And we want to thank you for joining us for yet another podcast. So Gill there's just a lot to talk about. Yes, there is I don't even know where to start. I think we need to start with the obvious. Yes. Another school shooting this time in Nashville, Tennessee.

Gil: 1:07

A deep red state. Yes. Where guns are, number one, it's on their flag. Yes. It, it's not to take away from the victims either. We had three kids who perished. Yes.

Eric: 1:19

Three adults. Yes. One of two of the children were nine years old and the other one was about to turn nine in a few days. Correct. So was going to have a birthday party most likely. I am at a loss of wor for words right now. I'm so sickened with our country and how we prioritize guns over lives. Yes. And I'm not right now, not even gonna get political with it. I'm sure we will in a two minutes, but it's just so disheartening. And so tragic. Like we are the only country that this happens in, into this magnitude, and we refuse to do anything about it.

Gil: 2:20

Yes. It's almost like the American way where it's I believe I sent you Libby's, pull up this demographic. Like I School shootings? Yeah, like just school shootings. Right. From, this is just from January oh nine through 2018, so that's not even including 20 19, 20 20, anything of that nature. Yeah. The United States alone had two, and this is against the Planet 288 school shootings from that time period. The next closest is Mexico with eight, followed by South Africa with six. Yeah. That's appalling.

Eric: 2:52

It's abhorrent. Yes. We are at 129 or 130 mass shootings, just mass shootings in general For this year? Yes. We are not even 90 days into this year. Whoa. I wouldn't even want to have a child now. I can't even fathom what it would be like for a parent to have a child cuz you're sending your child to school to learn and it's supposed to be a safe environment and a safe space. And you're literally sending them to be executed now, basically.

Gil: 3:32

Run the, you're running the risk now, right? Yes.

Eric: 3:34

When I was a kid, we would have like fire drills, like every six to eight weeks. We would have a bombed threat drill like every. I don't know, every two or three times a year. Correct. These kids are literally doing active shooting drills. What, like once a month? Once a month, yeah. Because it's very much a reality. Like I actually saw where they are trying to build like bulletproof rooms within the classroom so that if there's an active school shooter, you can huddle into this room and close it and it's like this bulletproof

Gil: 4:13

room. Cor, I saw that. I was actually about to bring that up also, and I just find that, so that's a hallway. Absolutely. I don't even know how to describe it because everyone knows, chris and I are trying to, starting the adoption process, we're, going into that and there is a worry in me now where I'm just I'm gonna bring, there's already a kid out there. My, I can't just, I can't even fathom that my child. A future child's gonna be, this is their life. This is what they're gonna be going through. The thought of, okay, they could potentially be shot, if not shot. Maybe they're not being educated correctly, because there's gonna be obsoleted of key historical facts. If it's not that, it's, it's something. It's just not, I don't know it. I know I'm starting, I feel like we're sounding old. You know how my, I remember my grandparents, oh my God, back Kimani day, who's never liked that in schools, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And we're starting to sound like that to a dream, but obviously the statistics backing why we are feeling a certain way, or at least the perception. Yes. And to me, that's just appalling, that people are more interested in building a fucking bunker within the school than actually passing laws. To restrict this from happening, or at least try to prevent Yes. And to protect

Eric: 5:26

the

Gil: 5:26

children. To protect the children. There's more fucking rules about driving a vehicle than are on gun restriction.

Eric: 5:33

Yes. And that should not be a thing. No one's trying to take your guns away, but we want, will, we want like proper licensure, proper testing, proper hoops to jump through that you have to do just to, like you said,

Gil: 5:48

for Yeah. I don't get it. I genuinely do not,

Eric: 5:52

as an acupuncturist, and I'm not even a practicing acupuncturist, but even to keep my licensing, I have to carry malpractice insurance. Yeah. And I have to take so many credits every year to maintain my licensing. the biggest threat that acupuncturist, honestly, things can always go awry, but. Pneumothorax is like the biggest issue that most acupuncturists may come across, but even that occurrence is super small. It's I wanna say maybe one to 2% if even that high. Yeah. But I still have to have, I still have to take credits. I still have to take ethics and safety classes ever so many years I have to be insured. Correct. Because of that possibility. When we don't even care about guns, like we can literally, just like most, a lot of these states now are, you can carry concealed weapons. You don't have to have any type of permit to possess. it's basically it's the purge and no person. Needs a fucking assault rifle. Yeah. Oh, we use it for a sport. We use it for hunting. How fair is that to the fucking deer? That's, there's no sport in that. Correct. I'm not a hunter but

Gil: 7:15

It's still

Eric: 7:16

they, have you seen what those guns do when they exit the body? And with such a high volume magazine, there's no sport in that.

Gil: 7:26

Yeah. Or whatever else you're hunting, whether they're using it on us. And that's the thing is and that's the thing I just genuinely don't understand is because every other amendment suddenly conservatives, let's call it what it is, a lot of the conservatives, the nra, everyone's gonna be, the second Amendment is an absolute right. But everything else, it's suddenly

Eric: 7:46

it's murky. It's, yeah, I don't

Gil: 7:48

know. It's, let's see what we, how far we could push the restrictions of those rights with the second, God forbid, it's an absolute, yeah. There is nothing that could touch it, which is bullshit. And they're not

Eric: 8:02

even reading it properly though either. Like they're not taking into consideration, regulated it.

Gil: 8:15

It's the way that I look at the reason for the Second Amendment is so that it protects the, so the people have the ability if they chose to, revolt against the government. On the flip side, it does not state that the government has no right to defend itself. Yes. Because North knows that US Tank is gonna destroy my, whatever gas gun I'm gonna throw at it. let's be real. If the US government wanted be dead, I will be dead. I know that. Yes. I'm fully aware. I don't care how many Gilberts there are. I will be dead. Yeah. We know that there's no amount of gun power that any of us could put together that will be able to take it out. We could try then I know there's that fear of all gonna take up on, please honey, you will be bombed. There is stuff I'm sure the government has to destroy. That's, that we don't even know

Eric: 8:58

about. And honestly I think a lot of it is those in power. Are basically trying to arm us against each other, turn us on each other so that we kill each other, and then they can be like, oh, we now have all this land and all this

Gil: 9:16

Yeah. The second, and then if you're looking at if we continue with what happened in Nashville, it's, they're now obviously trying to pin at that the shooter was trans. We know where we're going with this. Yes,

Eric: 9:31

of course we have stupid people like Marjorie Taylor Green saying that, oh, let's talk about the hormones and the testosterone that were in this person. Now we can stop blaming guns. Okay. How many Cshe men have been doing these sh shooting? Plenty

Gil: 9:55

Here's plenty.

Eric: 9:56

You have one thought of trans person who has done versus I. However many mass shootings there have been. Have all been, yeah. And how many are white

Gil: 10:10

men? Yes, exactly. Of course. Not acted terrorism, god forbid. No. Not that. I could only imagine if that trans person was also a minority who, yeah. The amount of anti-discrimination laws would be on there. Be like, let's go We know. Let's, and I don't mean to be too coarse about the situation, but it's the same thing with, you're looking at nine 11, you're looking at Pearl Harbor or anything like that. As soon as a minority, somebody who looks different than you, does something against this country. We lost more people in American Civil War than we did at nine 11, if you wanna be frank with Aqua. yet it was, oh my God, these Arabs and every, I'm not known, that's not even the Arabs that went after the, Afghanistan people, like them. They went after them aggressively.

Eric: 10:55

Yeah. Look at the Oklahoma City bombing ohs. A white

Gil: 11:00

man, the white guy, or not prosecuting anyone from the kk K. Yeah. White nationalism. That is a thing. Active thing still.

Eric: 11:12

Oh, very much you have a lot of them. Yeah. In law enforcement.

Gil: 11:17

again, nothing's done.

Eric: 11:19

Yeah. And a lot of people are saying like, oh, it's so great that Tennessee, the cops were there within what, like 14 minutes? 15 minutes and subdued the shooter? Correct. Still 15 fucking minutes of chaos and terror and murder. cops don't respond until after the crime has been committed or is in the process of being committed.

Gil: 11:43

Correct. Correct. But they probably would've been there a lot quicker if it was a black shooter. Yeah. Or maybe violating the who ran a stop sign. They'll be right there to the rest and shoot. Yeah. Without hesitation. We know that. that's plenty of that.

Eric: 11:59

And so they wanna sit there and say oh. It's all about the children. we're all for pro-life. N no, you're not. This is just further proof that it's all about forced birth. Yeah. Because you don't give a shit about these people who just died. No. And then they have the GOPs, the Go Gas gaslighting is all about, oh, we can't speak now out against emotion. We have to let the emotions settle before we, what the fuck?

Gil: 12:32

Then didn't things go a war

Eric: 12:34

and then there's oh, how would you feel if this was your child or grandchild? My grandchild, our home, my grandchildren are homeschooled. Fuck you. Yeah. A lot of people, especially with the economy and the way things are now, can't afford to homeschool because both parents have to fucking work.

Gil: 12:53

And let's be frank, there are some parents, first off, we're not qualified to be parents, let alone Do you want them to educate that child? No,

Eric: 13:01

but playing devil's advocate. Yeah. They're not gonna get any less of an education than a lot of the states that are getting, are giving now. Look at Florida and all their fucking bands. It's true.

Gil: 13:12

And a lot of those, a lot of the states that are yelling and Oh, I've got a bad X, Y, Z, they're bottom 15 in the nation. In education. Are we shocked? No, we're not shocked. But at the same time it's, you're gonna have an entire generation, stupid as hell.

Eric: 13:27

That's what they want though. Because if you keep them stupid and uneducated, then they will fall for anything cuz they will not know to stand up for anything. So they'll fall for anything and everything.

Gil: 13:38

Believe in the US propaganda. Yep. So where are we with regards to the trends? Level right now, because I know you and I were talking off camera about that, and I was getting educated.

Eric: 13:50

Yeah. So I saw a very troubling, troubling statistic about, so let me just rewind a little bit in, when you're talking genocide there are 10 stages of genocide. We are in stage seven of genocide in regards to the trans community. So I'm gonna go ahead and go through All 10 stages. Okay. And then we can dis, we can discuss them as we go through them. We can discuss them however. So the first stage is classification. Okay. The differences between people are not respected. There's a division of us and them, which can be carried out using stereotypes or excluding people who are perceived to be different. So that's stage one. Definitely far past that. Yeah. Yeah. Check, check. Symbolization. This is a visual manifestation of hatred. Think of Jews in Nazi Europe were forced to wear yellow stars to show that they were different. Discrimination, the dominant group denies civil rights or even citizenship to identified groups. The 1935 Nuremberg Law stripped Jews of their German citizenship. Citizenship made it illegal for them to do many jobs or to marry German non-Jews. Think about that. They've basically said that trans community should be eradicated. We had that at CPAC just not that long ago. I think it was Knowles. Who SA stated that, yeah. Who ironically was in a movie that I think was a soft core. Male. Male, yeah. Movie. I saw that. The next stage is dehumanization. Dehumanization, sorry. Those perceived as quote unquote different are treated with no form or human rights or personal dignity. Think about during the genocide against the Tutsi in Rwanda, Tutsi were referred to as cockroaches. The Nazis referred to Jews as Berman. Yeah. And you look at the Goop rhetoric as it pertains to the trans community and how they're trying to single them out and say, oh, there's only two genders, blah, blah, blah. Correct. Organization, genocides are always planned. Regimes of hatred often train those who go on to carry out the destruction of a people. Okay. With all these bands that we're putting out there, all this propaganda that's going out there, yeah. Stage six is polarization. Propaganda begins to spread by hate groups. The Nazis use the newspaper durmer, I don't know if I said that to spread in insight, messages of hate about the Jewish people. All these. So you're thinking

Gil: 16:53

of podcasts, you're thinking of what do they have out their websites? You're gonna have Yeah. Social media networks that they've already created by themselves. certain lawmakers. Yep. Churches.

Eric: 17:05

Churches. seven preparation. So this is where we're at.

Gil: 17:10

Okay. Okay. Go ahead.

Eric: 17:12

Perpetrators plan the genocide. They often use EU euphemisms, such as the Nazis phrase, the final solution to cloak their intentions. They create fear of the victim group, building upon armies and weapons for the children, saving the children. We're creating that fear. Correct. Or trying to establish a narrative as false as it is to create that fear. So that's where we're at. Eight is persecution. Victims are identified because of their ethnicity or religion, or, and deathless are drawn up. People are sometimes segregated into ghettos, deported, or starved. And property is often export, explora export created ex, I don't know if I'm saying that right at all. Genocidal, massacres begin. So we're not quite there, but I almost feel like we're knocking on that door. When you read that first part, like victims have been identified. Yeah. They're starting to due to their differences. Extermination, the hate group. The hate group murders, their identified victims in a deliberate and systematic campaign of violence. Millions of lives have been destroyed or changed beyond recognition through genocide. and then denial the perpetrators or later generations deny the existence of any crime, which is happening now because we don't teach history. Yeah.

Gil: 18:40

I think that it's a very,

Eric: 18:43

and it's a very, what history we do teach as such a one-sided history.

Gil: 18:48

Yeah. It's always gonna be by the victors.

Eric: 18:50

Yes. It's like I was listening to, I'm listening to this book right now, and they're talking about how Hitler was an absolutely horrible person. There's no one's debating that. But when you ask other certain groups who the worst person who ever lived, is it, that may not be their answer. If you and I'm not saying that this is the answer, but if you ask like Native Americans, who is the worst person that ever lived? You'll possibly get the answer. Christopher Columbus

Gil: 19:21

legitimate. Yeah. I would not disagree.

Eric: 19:25

So you, you have to relate it to different groups and, but whatever his, we have to learn that history. We're not learning that history. We're learning literally, Christopher Columbus in what, 1,492, sailed the ocean blue and discovered America. Correct. And he brought civility to the con. Fuck that. Yeah. You're looking at World War ii like Hitler was. beyond disgusting. There's no debating that. Yeah. But it was,

Gil: 19:59

I it's always found it interesting, especially when it comes to history. I felt that I learned American history better when I was already in college. but versus the shit that they taught us, from kindergarten through 12th grade. Yeah. And it was eye to me, it was very eye-opening. And I took classes from a, I took one from a European perspective and they explaining their views and the guys from, London, it was kinda explaining the, their perception of the American history. And then there was another one I took from a, it was from a what is it? They had an African studies one that I did. It was same thing teaching history from that perspective, it was completely different. On the way that they were viewed, the way the world went and stuff like that. And it was just, to me it was very eye-opening. And that's how I learned American history a lot better through my college years. But I'm already 18, 19, 20 Yeah. Learning finally.

Eric: 20:44

It's like when I was in school, like we never learned about internment camps. I learned about that on my own and outside of school. Yeah. You never learn about how horribly the Asian community was treated in this country.

Gil: 20:58

It's because we're the model minority. It's the well, and that goes in the white people created for us.

Eric: 21:04

Yeah. Then that goes into another whole other discussion about the MO model, minority quote unquote, versus Other minority groups, that was all done as a way to classify and to pit minorities in other groups against each other. Oh, this group resents you because of this, and oh, you need to be fearful of your life because this group's gonna come get you because they're jealous of how idealistic you are.

Gil: 21:28

Yeah, they were, and I didn't know that, that they were spreading that, the anti African movement, especially African men. In Asia. So before even Filipino started coming to the United States, or the Chinese was already starting to immigration, there was already that fear prior to arriving because of the propaganda against the African Americans in those countries. So that when they came to the US they already were terrified of them. And then you also have the, Asians are better. They're try to get that classification. Yeah. Or do you wanna be treated like them? Them as in Latinos or African Americans and Yeah. Natives. It was already there and it's disgusting. same thing within, I'm a Californian, do they really teach us about the internment camps, their internment camps? We have fucking Japan town in San Francisco, which was cleared out. like I said, they, these people were here. And they were all stripped. Yeah. Is there American citizens? Yeah. It's, are you fucking kidding me? Like I said, if these, they didn't strip any white German Americans. Did they? I, there were the answer's zero. There was none. But they went after the Japanese Americans, citizens, these are American citizens. But, and then, but they didn't over it much. It was very brushed

Eric: 22:39

over. I didn't even go over it like in school. Yeah. I just lucky enough that I grew up with people who were pretty big history buffs. And we watched a lot of documentaries when I was younger and Right. I still do watch some every now and then, and I. I'm read since I don't read I do Audible and I do a lot of history books with Audible and stuff like that. Cuz I want to learn more of that history. I want to study more of it. I want to be knowledgeable in it because again, history repeats itself. Yeah. And I don't wanna be one of those doomed people who's oh blah blah blah. I don't wanna be stupid when it comes and ignorant when it comes to things that have happened and seeing patterns of oh this is how this shit starts. Correct.

Gil: 23:26

And we've seen it happen. Yeah. And certain things right now are repeating itself. Hell it And tough vaccine bullshit. It's same thing that happened in 19, it was 1918 through 1922. Say shit's happening. Yeah. It's all the anti-vax. Oh no. Same thing happened now. It was almost dead on the years. It's not, like I said, it's like the same damn thing over and over. Cuz people don't wanna learn. They choose not to. Yeah. It is just sad from the way history is taught, because obviously you don't wanna be the day the US comes to terms with its his, its own history and what the fuck it did. Would be the day. That would be the day. But this goes to any country out there. No one wants to really talk about how terrible they did with the British people did to three quarters of the fucking planet or the Spaniards. When they're discovering, or the Portuguese. Yeah. Also call it out for, it's such a Eurocentric on the West that everything started with them. No, we did not. No. There was dynasties happening in China at the same time period. Nothing we did was new.

Eric: 24:26

No. Look at all the colonization you have that happened throughout this world. Look at the apartheid that was happened with Yeah. Through South Africa. Yeah.

Gil: 24:38

just switch direction. Like I said, I don't think there's a real way to teach history because it's just gonna, it depends on where you're at. A different point. Yeah. But I think there is an over glorification of Europeans. But

Eric: 24:49

I think you can teach because like especially like in, I'm just gonna talk high school, even in middle school. Yeah. Like you're required to take like a social studies class or history class. Oh yeah. Every year. Yeah. Or sometimes two a year, like the fall semester, spring semester, whatever. I think there is a way to teach generalize history in a true form and not just make it so Eurocentric. Yeah. And give them the hero complex.

Gil: 25:27

Big as it They do. Yeah, that's exactly what's,

Eric: 25:30

at least the way I, I remember. That's exactly what it is. Yeah.

Gil: 25:32

Because that's why I remember mean it starts with the Greeks, but you had a whole civilization in North Africa. Egyptians doing this shit way beforehand.

Eric: 25:41

Yeah. I always, I think we always learned the Greeks first, but then I remember always going back to Mesopotamia and Egypt and then they always like, oh, and then there was stuff happening in China, but we're not gonna talk about that Cor Correct. And there might have been stuff happening in the southern part of Africa. Or in South America, but we don't really talk about that. Just know that there's like the Aztecs and the Mayans and, correct. That probably happened at the same time, but we are not gonna go there. We're gonna basically, Concentrate, and we basically got Egypt and Mesopotamia, Babylon, all of that because of its proximity to Greece. Correct. Greece, Italy. But then all of a sudden we jumped from Greece, Italy, a little bit of like Macedonia, Alexandria. And then all of a sudden we're like in the 17 hundreds you'll

Gil: 26:37

jump ahead. And America

Eric: 26:39

was bored. Yeah. I guess maybe the 14 hundreds because we have to talk about Columbus. But yeah. who was a total douche, disgusting monster.

Gil: 26:49

He can't read a fucking map. That's the only reason he discovered. I put that

Eric: 26:52

loosely. Yeah. But then honestly it was discovered by Ameri. It wasn't discovered by anybody. Cuz there were people here first. Let's get that straight. It was

Gil: 27:00

like 15,000 years prior they crossed over the, there's history there. Yes, they've been here Okay.

Eric: 27:06

But even if you're gonna, yeah, I don't wanna say make my comment, but Amerigo visi landed here before Columbus did. But you don't hear about that either. Fricking it's America because of Amerigo. Vici, yeah, But I think there's a right way that, and I'm not a history teacher, but I think there's a way where you can actually. Talk about these are ancient civilizations that happen here, and here all around the world, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We're, you're in the sixth grade now. So this is just a very general introduction to those this is what happened in this part, this is what happened in this part. And come through it. And then the next semester you build upon that. The next year you come in, okay, we're, yes, we're starting back and from the beginning, but you're gonna get more detail now. More detail. More detail and build upon it. So when you get into high school, instead of being like, oh, you have to take American history and then you have to take civil War history, and then you have to take whatever other history. Yeah. Be like, okay, maybe the first year we're gonna give you like, More in depth general history, but if you want to like specialize in different histories, maybe you can start to branch out then. Yeah. In sophomore, junior, senior year. So that when you're going to college and you're like, Ooh, I want to take some more of this type of history. Yeah. Or you can do it as, okay. In sixth grade, I learned all about the Greeks and ancient civilizations. Yeah. I learned all that went from the Chinese dynasties through Mesopotamia, through Egypt, through the Aztecs, the Mayans, the Greeks, the Romans boom. That was my whole sixth grade year. I learned a lot. Now we're gonna go through the next era. Yeah. I think you could do something like that.

Gil: 29:01

It sounds good. I would, it would be cool if they did it that way, or at least be smart about how they're delivering the message. But I think, yeah, like I said, the US in general needs to come to that conclusion at some point. I

Eric: 29:11

don't know about you but like having this conversation now, like it's bring, it actually triggers a lot of emotions I had about myself, thinking that I wasn't worthy or that, like my group, my people did not do a lot of contribution or anything else because I wasn't the white man who came over cuz they give them the savior. Role, I think if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't have this.

Gil: 29:40

I I had a mix of that also because it was we obviously the family is gonna have some Spanish roots, some native roots, and Yeah. And I always said that the story of Amer or the US is always gonna be taught east to west as if the country just magically started going east to west. And the answer is that there was families like yours of mine being in New Mexico who were here before. there was a United States or before those fam, beef Quakers or wherever the people came out from England even came step foot into this country or now country. And I think history's very taught in a very peculiar way with that. Where, like with us, yes, I'm sure my family history, I thought about, it's like we were part of those poverty people who did genocide. Yeah. And I'm very confident that there is a extraordinarily dark side to the family that. Absolutely don't note over time like what the ARDS did. Absolutely. Because a lot of us, oh we're Spanish then it's because we're, we all be Mexican of course. But at the same time it's like you know what they did. Yeah. And I'm very confident we did some of that stuff. And then you're looking at the Asian side of myself where it's hot. It's almost oh, we had absolutely, no contributions to anything. If

Eric: 30:47

And like I was gonna make this comment cuz you were talking about how they teach history from E East to west, they east to west in the United States. But when you speak up globally Yeah. It's from Western Europe to western United States. Yes. And anything east of that is forgotten. You might get a little bit of the Middle East. Yeah. Which is like middle Asia, but, or Western Asia. But it's basically Western Europe to. California, maybe Hawaii and Alaska. And

Gil: 31:20

that's not even spoken about. Yeah. Which there's a lot of anger within Hawaii. Yeah. Cuz they were just taken over. It wasn't even, and

Eric: 31:28

a mutual thing. And then you don't even really discuss anything below the US Mexican border other than Oh, we're trying to keep people out. But you might get Mexico a little bit. They, there might be some mention of South America, but anything that's south of the equator pretty much doesn't exist. Correct. It's all jungle. And you've barely hear anything about Central America. Yeah. Like I remember, I think I was in middle school when I heard about Central America and I was like, what the hell is that I thought it was Mexico and then it was like Ecuador in Brazil. I didn't realize that. Like Uras and all that other nicaragua.

Gil: 32:13

It's funny it I think, like I said, when I, when we travel, right? When we're traveling to Europe, it's all like that. It's fun for me because it's oh, these are the things that way I saw in the books, right? Are my history books. Or, he say, these are the greatest artists ever. I just laughed though, because even under it all these great, you, I put in loosely great civilizations. The people when you come down to it are just as stupid as we are here and there's nothing superior or over the top about them. And the struggles that they go through are exactly like, and that's what's funny about it. Try to put 'em on a pedestal about they've done X, Y, Z. But in reality, like I said, when it comes out to just the common person, we're all the fucking sane teenagers. There are just stupid like we are here. Yeah. There's nothing Grand German about Oof. Look at them. They're speaking another language. It's another language to communicate. It's not anything extraordinary.

Eric: 33:05

Yeah. I think a lot of that goes into, I hate saying American, and I think we've had this conversation before. Yeah. Because when you say American to for people of the US you're negating Canadians and Mexicans and Central Americans, and Southern Amer, Southern America, you're just, you're giving America all to one country. Yes. Also, I know it's the United States of America and that's shorthanded. But all those people are technically Americans. They are. But I think it's very much like a US privileged kind of thing that, oh, English is a, is the universal language, so everyone has to speak English. Yeah. And if you don't speak English, then you are less than. Yeah.

Gil: 33:55

But I guess it was just like before Latin. Latin was the, the way it was. And then I, it's just whoever's in power, like I'm sure English will eventually be phased out and it will probably be an oddity, but cuz I mean there's more, yeah. I don't know. Just, it's funny cuz even when we say we're American, even that is a loosely thing and loose in the sense of, outside this country, I'm American, but what if this country, I'm now referred to as American, suddenly I'm Filipino and Hispanic. Yeah. Even though I'm not born in the Philippines and I've, recently finally went to Spain and saw what, where they came from. But I, my ass is born in the Central Valley. I grew up here in the Bay Area like that. This is all I know. So I don't understand why am I being, sent to what my historical roots are. Yeah. And historical roots are

Eric: 34:38

far gone. And I'm sure, and I'm sure you get this. Yeah. I'm not trying to say that you do, but I'm assuming you might just based on my experience. Why don't you speak your native tongue. Oh yeah. Why don't you speak your native language? Why don't you speak your, the language of your people.

Gil: 34:53

I was told that by white people in Washington state. So when I lived there, I used to get asked that a lot. And I, it wasn't just like a one-off. Oh, what? I'm just being bitchy about Seattle. No, I was asked multiple times a month. For years, for the three years I lived there. I don't understand. Why can't you speak the native tongue? Why can't you? But I, what's going on? And I'm like, I'm born here. I was born in California. we'd speak English to schools. My first generation, my family, my dads side comes from the generation of his Latinos, where it wasn't nice to speak Spanish school. You were, reprimanded, you were, publicly humiliated to speaking Spanish. You were looking less than I grew up in that. Yeah. You're from that. I so no, my family did not speak Spanish to me whatsoever. they didn't want that because they wanna make sure that I got ahead.

Eric: 35:41

Yeah. They wanted to make sure you weren't looked down upon, that you weren't ridiculed, that you weren't made fun of, that you weren't considered dumb and stupid. Yeah. Because that's how they had to acclimate to. Society in which they were in. You had to basically erase your own culture. Yeah. So that you could fit in with the culture and power, which was English speaking, Yeah. And you still weren't going to have any of that privilege because you're a little bit darker. Yeah.

Gil: 36:20

I can easily

Eric: 36:21

Yeah. Or you might have a slightly different shaped eye or very prominent features.

Gil: 36:28

Correct. Yeah. And I was asked that, and that's something I do go through from time to time. And I am discriminated by a lot of Latinos, a lot of new ones, because they're like, how, they look at me like I'm a fake Spanish. A fake, Hispanic person and. It's just interesting. And like I, I said a lot of my friends were, it's more of that second growing up, I had other kind of friends because I was an outsider. Yeah. No I didn't fit in within my minority group either one. Cause I didn't look Asian enough and then I didn't speak Spanish, so I was automatically isolated from them. And then white kids will look at me like, what the hell are you So I had African American kids. I had the Chinese kids. Some of them I just, I found who I could find.

Eric: 37:08

No I agree and completely

Gil: 37:11

that was my childhood

Eric: 37:13

or growing up in school that was very similar to a lot of experience I had as well. I think a lot of it is like when you're talking about how you weren't Hispanic or Latino enough to get along with the Latino community. Yeah. Or they weren't as accepting because you didn't speak Spanish. That's another mechanism used to divide. Now we're dividing. You within your own group. Correct. And I guess being from New Mexico and living and growing up in New Mexico, in the time that I was, yeah. It wasn't uncommon for people, my age group to not speak Spanish because of everything we just talked about and what everything you just said. Yeah. But when I went out of states it was the exact same thing. Yeah. And then it was like, oh, you're not truly Latino because you don't speak our language. Yeah. We're not gonna talk to you because you, like you said, you're a fake Latino. Yeah. And you're like, what the hell? You are to this, you're to that. You're not enough. This, I had tons of black friends. Yeah. Cause honestly, they were the only, they were the only group that was. accepting of me for the most part. Yeah. Yes. I have friends of whatever, but

Gil: 38:32

no, I'm with you with that. I, same thing. I had a lot of black friends growing up because they're the ones who talked to me. Yeah. Or some of the, like the new, like the Asian, Asian as Chinese they're Vietnamese. They spoke to me. Or the, some of kids who are from Iran. I've always, whatever reason, they were like, oh, did we talk to you? And I, and that's the kind of friends I had or the very few biracial. I'm biracial, I was Yeah. I had a lot of minorities at my school, but there wasn't a lot of biracial kids. I was an oddity at my school. Yeah. it's like I said, as I got older, I started thinking about it, of my childhood or where it's not to blame the family whatsoever, like it's just looking at my school and stuff like that, the diversity. But even that came with an asterisk. because they were still within the kids. Oh, you look different. Oh, you're this, you look Spanish. I blended with the Mexican kids, but they were like, you don't speak to us You can't understand

Eric: 39:18

And and I have to say too yeah, I went to a, I, my high school was a private school. It was a Christian school. Yeah. So my whitewashed, yeah. I guess was probably a benefit to me within that environment. Yeah. Because there, most people there were very English speaking. Correct. So I had that privilege in that environment. Granted, my school had 300 people in it, from sixth grade to 12th grade. Yeah. I had a, I think a graduating class of 31 or 32 people. Holy crap. which I was like top four of, but congratulations. But maybe top five something somewhere in there. Four or five. It doesn't matter. But yeah, so I, there was definitely that privilege, but when I was in middle school, I did not go to, I was, I went to public school and I was trying to fit in with the Latino kids, and it just, yeah, you get looked so looked down upon,

Gil: 40:31

oh yeah. That was me. And I guess that's why I went, I know, I've been asked my dad's side before and say, how come you don't have any, any Latino friends? And I'm like, because I've I did try and every time I tried, I was teased. Yeah. Granted, they probably didn't understand what the hell I was saying anyways, but it was still I know what they were looking at me I pick up on people's facial reactions and I watched a body language it was very clear cut, I could tell. And the same thing. I wasn't Filipino enough because my, it was that I did look it, I didn't look Asian. I understood because my family, my mom's side, I'm first generation on my mom's side, I understood a, not all of it there, a large chunk of it. I understood enough more than they did, but I did look it I didn't look a certain way, so I didn't blend in. I remember that growing up in dealing with that shit. Even in high school. It was like, I had the artsy farted kids, the few white kids I did have, they were either mixed or because they were just I guess woke for the generation for the time. But, I wasn't whitewashing enough either. Yeah. I,

Eric: 41:31

Had a lot of experience with white people. Into the point where, I guess because I was so whitewashed in a lot of ways that they almost looked at me as almost the same. I don't, they definitely knew that I wasn't completely white, so Yeah. I was in their eyes down here. Yeah. But I was white enough, quote unquote, that they could still say shitty things about other groups of people, and then would be surprised when I was actually offended. Yeah. And it would be like, oh, that wasn't meant about you. Oh, of course we're just speaking about other Hispanic people, or Mexicans or this group, or that group. Why are you getting mad? You're not even part of that group. A, it's just a shitty thing to say. Correct. And then B, like, how dare you come at a group for something trivial? Correct.

Gil: 42:38

Oh,

Eric: 42:39

and then you add into it being L G B T Q, which as we've talked about many times in this podcast, I denied fiercely for many years. Correct. Even though I was going to all the gay clubs and sticking money down all the boys underwear. Oh. But I wasn't gay.

Gil: 42:56

No, God knew. Absolutely not. It you are having a Beverly Leslie moment.

Eric: 43:01

Exactly. With my business associate,

Gil: 43:04

of course, I I know that was gonna say the L G B T part of it also added another layer. For me when I was coming out that I'm like, oh my God, let's add this other, and then I found out within the community, you knows, I think if they're the same racial things were prevalent.

Eric: 43:21

right in hard actually. I think in some ways it's all, I don't wanna say it's worse, but I think it's more magnified because it's a smaller subgroup of the general population in a general society. it's so when you bring it into that smaller group, everything just seems so amplified and magnified. You're like, okay.

Gil: 43:45

Yeah. And then I, it's that mix of either people found me as a fetish because like they found out, oh, you're Filipino. And it's oh, a lot of the white guys, oh, I have, Rice Queens. I'm going after them. And I'm just like, oh, no, honey

Eric: 43:57

what's this? No. Ooh, that's so offensive. Oh, it is. But that term right there, what you just said, I was like, Ooh, gosh. That was like, just hard to hear. That was

Gil: 44:05

That was the thing. There would be, we knew them as that they would go after 'em. Yeah. And I know I was after, some of them, I was like okay I'm good here. But there was also that, like I said, that discrimination within also, because then suddenly, oh, you're not, tall enough, you're not white enough, you're not, whatever the hell it is. Yeah. Yeah. Wonderful. I was like, fuck enjoy another category. And I think that's why, for me, like where that I'm so glad, at least from a, from my home, I had a lot of built in that confidence, that stuff that were instilled in me because I, like I said, I don't think my parents knew what kind of struggle I was gonna go through, but they definitely installed that you are good enough. You're going to, plow through it, you're fine. Put a buck up with it and it, it, nobody said anything that ever made me feel worse than me. Cuz I'm like, I could say something worse about myself than you could ever Yeah. Think of. And I think that at least for me, install a lot of confidence. So that's why whenever people said anything, I dodged a lot of it where I just look at them like dead eyed and what the fuck are you? That's it, that's all you got. And I never felt that I got bullied in that regard. And I don't think everyone, because the only person I remember trying to bully me, Touched. I put like his shoulder and I immediately launched him to the ground. And I had my friend Zack, pull him, pull me away from him. Cuz I was gonna beat at his ass, even though I was like half his size. But I was, the temper kicked

Eric: 45:25

in. It does help that you're a brown belt and kung fu. So the kung fu Yes. In case people didn't know that.

Gil: 45:31

Yes. and at least I was able to defend myself off, but at the same time I didn't, and

Eric: 45:36

you're so humble about it, the way you just laugh. Like, all embarrassed. Sorry. Oh,

Gil: 45:42

I, it's been a while, but yes. I don't know, just, at least for me, I, that was like my high school thing where I thankfully did not endure a lot of that bullying or whatever. Cuz I could have easily I'm short, I immediately, you go after the short jokes. Oh, look at him. We know that anyone who's under six feet deals with that bullshit. Yeah. I know that. I wasn't gonna, I was only five two in high school. I grew two four inches in college where I'm now sitting at a sturdy five, four

Eric: 46:11

The weird thing is I was like, you're very long torso. Yes. at that illusion. Yeah. Cuz like when it's funny cuz I'm not very tall either. I am a little bit taller than you. not much. But like when we're sitting down, you're like five feet taller than I am. Yeah. And then when we are standing up and walking, you're like the three inches shorter than me that you normally are.

Gil: 46:36

I do the same thing with Chris. We're standing in the car. I'm like, suddenly, tall and Yeah. And as soon as we get out the car, then suddenly he's like obviously two feet taller than me.

Eric: 46:45

Yeah. I didn't realize he was so short waisted. Yes.

Gil: 46:49

Oh, he's all legs. Okay. All legs. Yeah, I'm the opposite. almost no legs.

Eric: 46:58

a knee, an ankle in a foot, right?

Gil: 47:02

God stubby legs. It's okay. My napole. I don't know if you suffer, but I definitely at times have that Napoleon syndrome at times where I feel like that my, I tell myself, oh, I can reach things. And I think, I'm like six five. Yeah. And I'm like, how come this is out of reach and my, course Chris, look at me like, where did you think you were gonna go? What's going on

Eric: 47:24

here? I, you just said that it's funny. So I was just cleaning out my Uhhuh acupuncture clinic. It's no longer my clinic. I've moved out and I closed my business. But I had a friend that was helping me move my stuff out and we literally just had to like use. The, the Mr. Cleany racer? Oh

Gil: 47:42

yes. Oh yeah. Those are wonderful.

Eric: 47:43

I've never used them before. Oh, Cause Yeah. I'd lose my gay card when it comes to that stuff, when it comes to housekeeping. But I had like little, pencil marks Yes. From when I was like measuring where to put my frames and all that other stuff and hang up all myself. And so once you remove all those pictures, like some, there's still like some smudges or little pencil marks here and there cause again, I'm not that person who goes and erases it and before I hang it so my friend was like climbing up on desks to erase things. then there was like two walls where there was like really no desks to climb on. Yeah. And so I was like, I think I can reach it. So I'm like on my tip, my tippy toes, like as close to the wall as possible reaching, and I have very short arms, like I'm a T-Rex when I come with my arms So like I am like reaching and reaching. I still can't reach it. So then I end up having to jump with the eraser and slide up and down the wall. I got it. It worked, but I had to jump. Yeah. Because it was just that far out of my reach and I was like, damn it

Gil: 48:50

Oh, you're

Eric: 48:51

with me then Oh yeah, absolutely. I think I'm at the, I think I'm at the pocket cutoff. Yeah. Although I'm not petite, so I'm not really considered a pocket, but.

Gil: 49:01

In Hyatt, at least. We're you guys we're about that. Yeah, we're right at that.

Eric: 49:05

Yeah. I'm like five seven on a good day.

Gil: 49:07

at some kind of Armani shoes and so you're like five nine. Oh,

Eric: 49:15

No, I have to be in some pretty impressive platforms. to like P five nine. Like Spice Girl style

Gil: 49:24

Oh. I'm like, oh, you

Eric: 49:25

can actually get on the rollercoaster now.

Gil: 49:30

Oh my goodness. Yeah, so I, I said I, it was, it's been fun in my, like I said, my ego, it tells me, oh yeah, you could use certain things. Honey. No. not at all. Even at work, they see me struggling and I'm over here in the top of the ladder and I'm just like, oh, I got this. And they're, look, they just my leads just watch me. They're like, go ahead Gil. Go ahead This should be fun. But of course I hire everyone taller than me cuz it's easier. Yeah.

Eric: 49:52

Then you like, look at the generation now. And they're all like 10 years old and they're like, seven, nine.

Gil: 50:00

Oh yeah. Tall and gangly, ready to go. And I'm like, shit, how the hell did this happen? I don't

Eric: 50:05

like, I have to like, I have to run every time you take a step to make sure you don't like step on me

Gil: 50:13

And then they have, some of them have the audacity to wear platforms and I'm just like, by all means add that extra two inches. Yeah, because you weren't tall already. Six four was not nothing. Go ahead. Six. Six is the new five one. Shit. And you

Eric: 50:25

haven't even hit a growth

Gil: 50:26

spurt yet. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of 'em, a lot of the teenagers we've hired, I'm just like, shit. Okay. I clearly would skip my generation or skip me in general. It's okay. Have a lot of personality in this little body. It's okay. you and I we're ready.

Eric: 50:48

Yeah. I think that's awesome though that you're, that you were instilled with so much self-confidence. Yeah, I think I was probably, I. Attempted to be, but I lack that. That's one of my biggest weaknesses is I lack that self-confidence in almost every way. I think that's also due to other things, but

Gil: 51:12

yeah. Correct. It, that's what I'm, it takes and it does take time. like I said, I now look back and I'm like, my God, they really did everything. They could have instilled confidence because, I was a crying read, like I noticed there's some people I'm not a big zodiac person, but definitely reading on like cancer, the moodiness and the brooding and the emotional whiplash that I give everyone. And I do apologize to everyone in advance, Cause I know I have put some people through the ringer with it, but growing up on top of, certain things that, some traumas had happened. the emotion, my emotional stuff was also there. So it, I think they were more nervous of, oh my God, he already has feminine, I was, had some feminine displays. Obviously everyone knew I was gonna be gay and then I was also dramatic with the moods and everything, and my emotions were all over the damn place. And I think they were so concerned of oh my God, this poor child, he's gonna get bullied, left and right. But definitely insulting that confidence part. And you know you're worth something and you're good. You'll be good and you're supported and you're okay. And I, it helped me, and I don't know, I think my emotions dried up when I was 18, 19, which now it's the complete opposite. It's oh my God, please cry. It's okay. It's OK to show emotion Yeah. But up to that point, I. I think I cried over

Eric: 52:28

everything. I think part of it too though, I think it's a survival mechanism or a survival tactic. Yeah. Where you you probably were instilled at oh my gosh, I'm so sensitive, I cry for everything. So then you just swing the opposite when you're like, that's never gonna happen to me again. Yeah. And it suited you for the time in which you needed to not show your quote unquote weakness. I would say vulnerability, strength. Yeah. But what society would say is weakness. Because you didn't, you either probably didn't want to let people know about what they might have been thinking might be true or you didn't want to embrace that side. That could be because society was telling you that it was probably not a positive. Yeah. I might be reaching here, so stop me if I am. But that, I would think that was probably a survival.

Gil: 53:19

Technique Probably. I definitely could see it that way also because like I said I don't know what it was and when I was about 19 is when a lot of it, it just bucked in like I was starting to slow down on the emotional kind of everything hurting me directly. When I was in high school, that's when a lot of it's tied to really slowed down. And then by the time I hit about 19 going to when I finally was going actually moving to New Mexico, I think, and maybe my body went into survival mode cuz you're gonna be by yourself. Yeah. You're only gonna have your grandparents and then you don't know anyone out there. So

Eric: 53:50

good luck you're gonna meet Eric and then's gonna be okay. No, just kidding. It was about

Gil: 53:54

a year before I met you. Yeah. And then the only time I think you saw me breaking down was during the break. Outside of that, I don't think you really, I wasn't out there crying every five seconds

Eric: 54:03

or No, you weren't. And I, I still laugh about the time when you were moving to Seattle and I was moving to Denver and like I came by. I came Cuz you moved before I did. I came by to say bye and everything and Chris was like, that's it. Like you guys were basically like hey, peace out. Enjoy life. Yeah, you too. Yes. We'll talk at some point. Cool. Cool. Bye. And he's that's it. Like literally there's no crying, there's no like long hugs. And we're like, no, we're good. We don't do that.

Gil: 54:39

Yeah, But I, since with him, I've learned how to reopen up again a little bit. or it's showing more vulnerability, cuz I know it's not my strength anymore. It used to be apparently, but yeah. Cause I know

Eric: 54:56

one thing I had to learn recently, I would say in the last three years. maybe two, I would say three. Three years. Is that me being overly sensitive or a highly sensitive person? H S P is not a bad thing. Yeah. But it was often weaponized, a weaponized against me when I was younger. Oh that, oh, you're just being too sensitive. You're too sensitive. Yeah. Stop being so sensitive. So that, to me, being sensitive was a bad thing. And it didn't stop me from being any less sensitive. Honestly, what it forced me to do, my survival mechanism was to disassociate or to like, Internalize and cover it up and just keep pushing through. Oh, got you. So I just let everything eat me up from the inside and it's probably why I have a bunch of shit going on. yeah. With me, but I just held it all in, start to believe it, but just keep pushing forward so no one sees it.

Gil: 56:07

Oh, okay. Something I learned from myself that I, like I said, it's part of that 20, when I was 19, I started changing. Before that, I was very much all about people pleasing and a lot of the people pleasing. LED was stemming, I feel like it started stemming about, is that I wanted to avoid conflict. because I saw a lot of conflict within my family, within most, because, my, parents are divorcing and there's a lot of emotions being swung back and forth and it being pinched in between. And I think a lot of that, I wanted the people pleased to avoid conflict and I felt that conflict was

Eric: 56:40

bad. I'm still, to avoid, still, I'm still very guilty of that. Yeah. Like I'm getting better. Uhhuh, and that's only been probably within the last, I would say, I don't even want to say last, in the last year, I want to say six to nine months maybe, if I'm being generous that I am really started re at least just even recognizing and reevaluating the curse of people pleasing

Gil: 57:11

y Yes. It is.

Eric: 57:13

And all like you said, to avoid conflict,

Gil: 57:17

that's all. To keep peace. Yeah. To keep peace and that's all it was. I wasn't happy. Yeah. But everyone else had to make sure everyone else was happy. And when I was, like I said, when about 19, I actually had a fallout with my dad and that's when I snapped. I, I do look back at that. I was like, goddamn Gil. I, that was little brutal. I I, honesty is great, don't get me wrong. And it came outward vomit. To my dad. It was re it was relieving because there was a lot of shit that I had to say that I just, I did not hold, I did not hold back. That was But since that moment, I felt at that point I don't know if I vowed myself unconsciously that I was not going to be people pleasing anyone, that I was gonna pursue my happiness. Cause I said, why is my happiness less important than anyone else's? Why is everyone else's happiness have to be better than mine? I said, no, absolutely not anymore. And that's where, I probably swung the pendulum too much to the left about that, where I isolated myself from a lot of people. Family members and people that from that. And then I lost some time. I see. Because I was done.

Eric: 58:20

I. I a I think that's a wonderful lesson that you learned, cuz I'm still learning that myself and I am This was what, 16 years for you? 16 years ago for you? Yeah,

Gil: 58:30

about 16 years ago and, oh, that's weird to say I'm like, oh,

Eric: 58:35

Yeah. So the, I'm still learning that and Oh God, and I'm older than you, I'm But also this is something that, and cuz you're saying that you isolated yourself from a lot of people.

Gil: 58:47

I stopped if they didn't give me the time of, if I kept trying to make plans with them or whatever, stuff like that, those kind of things. Okay. Then I immediately, I was more like, no, why am I gonna have to bet over backwards for you all the time? what about me? And if I, that kind of thing. So when they stopped it, I just need to cut it off.

Eric: 59:01

I'm very guilty of that too. Yeah. If I will cut people off really quickly. I remove myself from any any situation. Again, I think it's a survival tactic of mine that I'll just remove myself. Yeah. Either emotionally, physically, completely. But I fi, I don't know why this popped out at me and her, I don't know. I was talking a good friend of mine at one point got really sick. and as she got better, she like completely cut everyone out of her life. Like everyone out of her life. me included. Yeah. And then throughout the course of the year, maybe two years, She slowly started like adding people back in and reaching out to people, Uhhuh and was like, okay, yeah, my life did change when I cut you out. And not necessarily in a good way. And she had to reevaluate herself with that. Okay. I didn't fully understand it though. my feelings were just super hurt cuz I'm like, you stopped talking to me. Yeah. It wasn't about me, it was about her and her healing herself, but I didn't fully get it until I got my first autoimmune diagnosis. Yes. And I did the same thing cuz you have to like, is this person bringing on this stress. Like, how am I gonna cut these stresses out? And I did that, but then I'm still very, I'm still very much in that people pleasing mode that I'm definitely working on now. But it was when I got my second immune diagnosis that I was like, I've been back in that space again. Yeah. I'm not so much I don't necessarily cut everyone out and pick people back in. I'm like in a space where I see how my life flows with these different people and if there's any type of stagnation or any type of resentment or conflict, I'm probably just removing them. Yeah. Probably because I'm still a people pleaser. I'm avoiding the conflict. but I know that my life will flow better for myself to just not have that person in my life. I probably still should still have the conversation with whoever it may be, but I notice like I'm back in that space again of isolating myself from other people or certain people because I don't necessarily think that they're healthy for me to have in my life.

Gil: 1:01:46

And I was gonna say, you also, we get to choose who we want in our, as our family, right? Yes. Versus the family you're born into. That's just a given. And sometimes it's a shit show. But I think with, especially as you're grow getting older, I think you're a lot more specific as to what people you would like. Yes. Invited into your family, right? Yes. Versus before, like I had a bunch of friends before, oh my god, these people, you look at my Instagram and back into their biospace and it was just flooded with humans. But at the same time, it's You had your top 20 on there

Eric: 1:02:18

and you're like, oh, I had to reach for those top 20 though. Oh, I talked to this person like once seven months ago. You can be number 19.

Gil: 1:02:29

Yeah. I just remember it being a lot different back then where it was all about that versus the quality of friends. Yes. And especially when I left for Seattle and then moving back to the Bay Area, it was that same thing of finding out who have you guys I was gonna keep in contact with? And I had learned quickly that, know, some people, they were meant for the time period in which they were met. Yeah. Some were quick relationships, some were, a little bit longer. Disappointed that they fizzled into the, the way that they went. And I think also just a. Coming to terms with it. I never bothered to say goodbye to anyone because I was always like what if I see them again? And there's been some people that I have bumped into later and it's I never, time was never left. And I've had great conversations and then, same thing. Don't see 'em again for five years. And it's but I've learned also for me, for part of that, standing my ground and being, being able to at least give an opinion. and it is part of that people please. Part as I got an this is what I'm looking for, this is what I need. And having that courage about it. And it worked in not just friendships, but also like in my professional careers and stuff like that, where I'm not so much oh, what do you guys wanna make happy? What? I'm like, no I'm the person in charge here. This is what we're looking for. this is my vision, hire me for that. Yeah. Instead of just whatever everyone else wants to do. That's not what you hired me

Eric: 1:03:43

That's No, and that's And you're, you are in a position of authority.

Gil: 1:03:47

Yeah. And that's of where I lead with it. And I've learned to grow in a I, that's part of that confidence and the little things, but I realized some of the traumas for my own self on why I was so big on people pleasing, before. And I know, and I could see certain times where I almost wanna slip back in. Cause it's easy. it's

Eric: 1:04:02

easy. It's a comfortable space. It is. It's not a healthy space. Yeah. But it's a comfortable space. Like I find people pleasing is very easy for me. I'm really trying to break that mold, as I've said, like 964 times in the last three minutes But I've, now I am realizing, like I'm trying to confront fear. and I don't know why, but I'm right now in this space where I'm afraid to try anything new and I don't like it and I know I need to get past that. And I think it's because like with failed acupuncture clinic Yeah. I'm afraid to like venture out and do something completely, I don't wanna say completely foreign, but something that I've never really pursued before. Yeah. Because it's, I've had negative out quote unquote negative outcomes. in recent histories, and I'm not the clinic of that just closed is just one example of a few other things. But so I feel like I am, like, again, I guess I'm probably just like removing myself from the situation because I am, it's a survival mechanism that I, that has served me well in the past. Yeah. Probably from overcoming traumas. Yeah. Or being in the situation of that traumatic situation. Correct. And now it's something that I need to break through and stop, but I guess it's a journey. And it's a journey. I'm working on it. At least I'm recognizing it. Yeah. And I'm trying to figure out ways in which I can deal with that. I have reached out to five therapists. Good. Only two of 'em have got back to me. But I'm on a wait list.

Gil: 1:05:47

Okay. Yeah it's a good thing because I know therapists are in high demand right now. A lot of us are seeking out, I, I don't know. You refer me in the pandemic. Having really come to Jesus to myself, I'm like, okay, is this really what you want to do with yourself? Or, I, and I think a lot of people are refocusing on that part of it. Yeah. Which was a beautiful thing. The pandemic itself obviously was terrible. We remember that. But I think it was a great way for people to really think about their day-to-day, their, previous life prior to it. Prior to 2020. Like I said, those days are dead. I don't wanna go back to it. I never wanna work in that same condition and accept it and be like, that's fine. No. Fuck no. Hell no. Yeah. Or even just like the way I handled things. I'm like looking, I'm trying to be, like I said, this is different, you and I doing this podcast. That's something different. I would've not done prior. I would've been, I'm busy. I have Mark, but I, I. I didn't make time for friendships or for people that I actually care and want to be with. Versus making time for that shit show of a job just because that's gonna pay the bills and it put all the focus on them. But I failed a lot of my friendships to that point. And I know that. I neglected a lot of it cause I created excuses that I wanted to make this stupid ass day-to-day mundane thing. what am I doing? I'm literally going to work, coming home, eating the same shit, going to bed, repeat and I got tired of it.

Eric: 1:07:11

Yeah. I'm I'm very much in a mindset right now of I am not gonna kill myself for a job that will replace me tomorrow if something happens to me. I am not going to live to work. Yeah. Work is just one facet of my life. Like I don't make a lot of money right now. I could probably make more money if I wanted to work more. Yeah. But I make decent enough money and I work less than 30 hours a week. Yeah. And I'm okay with that right now. Like it probably in the near future I'll be like, holy shit, I need to do some more stuff. But being a person who's always been busy. Yeah. Because I've always just had my hand in so many pots. Yeah. It's not like I've ever had one thing that consumed all of my time other than maybe dance. I've just always been like, oh, I'm going to, I work here and I do this, but then I also work here on occasion, and then I do this and all the fields are completely unrelated. And then I do have dance, and then I have to have time to do this and then I have to have time to do that. And it wasn't until the pandemic that I was like, and even during the pandemic, I was, I still kept myself busy. I tried to launch a t-shirt line and I wrote a book and I published a book and I did a whole bunch of other stuff. I did a whole bunch of certifications and just kept myself super busy. And I think it was like once I was diagnosed the second time or with that second thing, I was like, I really need to like slow down. Yeah. And not be so busy. And then I had a friend, the one, the friend that helped me move out just the other day. We were talking and she's you are so busy. And I'm like, I'm really not. Cause like I had already taken a step back. Yeah. She's you are so fucking busy. And I'm like, I'm really not though. Cause I'm used to being busier. Yeah.

Gil: 1:09:15

w when I met you, you had six different things going on at the

Eric: 1:09:18

same time. Exactly, yeah. And now I'm like, okay, I need to just not be busy. So I think that is, I'm probably crutching on that a little bit. Yeah. And be like, oh, I don't want to be too busy, so I'm not gonna pursue anything else because I'll make me too busy. But I, so I'm trying to find that balance of not being too busy, but still not avoiding other things. Sure. I don't know. It takes time. It takes time. It, this

Gil: 1:09:52

is, like I said when you and I are both on our deathbeds in 60 years, it's gonna be one of those recapping and telling everyone, this is what ended up happening. This is how long it took this journey. You know it, anytime we go as we're going through, you'll be pleasing someone

Eric: 1:10:09

Hey, I was wearing my throat goat shirt today at the gym. You're

Gil: 1:10:14

a lady

Eric: 1:10:14

I can fit a Sprite can in my mouth. just unhinge the jaw. I'm, I can please a lot of people,

Gil: 1:10:21

but like when we get to that point in our life, and like I said, when we do that full big as recap of what we did and, all the, our journey and we could finally probably like, Hey, huh, sigh for relief. Here it is. and I, I'm sure we're gonna have good stories, but always in the moment it always feels like it's an eternity. Yeah. and I look back at some of the stuff that, I went through and stuff like that. I was it's not that bad, Gilbert, come on, you over dramatized that a little much. Or, you were, oh, I don't know. It just it's funny now, at least now I could look back at certain things and just giggle and laugh and kinda you're fine. You survived. I remember coming out and when I came out, it was very, at the time we like, oh my god, trauma a little traumatic. And it was nerve-wracking. And you never stop coming out. But now as get older, I'm like, okay, here's a recap. I'm Gil, I'm gay, I'm married. Hey, so how are you, It's so much easier as I gotten it older versus the time. It's okay, here we go. Maybe they'll never notice. And I'm like jazz hands as I'm eating them. It's very, and apparently you knew I was right as I entered your class, you were like, gay, gay, gay

Eric: 1:11:20

Yeah. Which is again so weird. Cause I have no sense of gayar at all.

Gil: 1:11:26

And yours, I picked up, I was like, oh, look at, I have a new friend,

Eric: 1:11:30

Yeah. I can talk to him and Yeah, we can be gay besties. And I'm like, why do you wanna know? Why are you asking me that question?

Gil: 1:11:40

that's funny. And you what? You're like turning 21 at the time. But I was just like, Eric, I have questions. And then you're like sir I have girlfriends. And I'm like, oh yes you do. I

Eric: 1:11:53

never said that. Have a girlfriend. But you are so generous with the age.

Gil: 1:11:57

Oh yeah, I remember, I recall I felt like this definitely got into our second segment or our third segment. Quickly,

Eric: 1:12:04

this got into our last segment very quickly as far as our growth and everything else, but that's okay. That's okay. Yeah, just I guess that's, we can call I know we had a lot more that we were gonna talk about, but we can talk about So Ha was happening so rapidly right now that Yeah. We'll have more to talk about next week. But yeah, just thank ev just thank you everyone for listening to us. Please tell your friends about this podcast. Please rate us hopefully five stars. Five stars, subscribe to us. Yes. Follow us. Just

Gil: 1:12:43

be our number one fan. Yeah,

Eric: 1:12:48

And on that note, please rate, subscribe. Listen to us, visit us at the q Lounge podcast.com. You can find us wherever you get your podcasts. You can keep tabs on us, on Twitter, Instagram at the Q Lounge on Facebook at the Q Lounge podcast. And feel free to click that donation button or buy us a cup of coffee.

Gil: 1:13:13

Heck yeah, And

Eric: 1:13:15

we will be around next week. Hopefully Bye. Bye.

1:13:21

The Q lounge. The Q lounge. Be sugar daddy. The Q lounge. The Q lounge. In your authenticity.