Oct. 12, 2022

Season 4, Episode 13 (Chris)

Season 4, Episode 13 (Chris)

Gil and Eric were joined by Gil's husband Chris and had an amazing heart to heart conversation.

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Transcript
Eric:

Hello and welcome to the Q lounge, I'm Eric

Gil:

and I'm Gil.

Eric:

join us as we discuss news stories and life situations, as they relate to the LGBTQIA plus experience, please visit us at theQloungepodcast.com and hit that subscribe button or listen wherever you get your podcasts. If you would like to follow us on social media, you can hit us up on Facebook @theQloungepodcast or on Instagram or Twitter @theQlounge. hello and welcome to the Q Lounge. I'm Eric.

Gil:

And I'm Gill.

Eric:

And today we are joined by Chris Gill's husband. Hello Chris. How are you?

Chris:

Hello. Hello, It's, it is, but a privilege to be on this podcast right now.

Eric:

It's so good to have you. Usually we have you for tee time and today we actually have you for our guest. Yes.

Gil:

Yay. So that's awesome.

Eric:

Super happy to have you. Thank you so much for, Thank you for inviting me. Oh, you're welcome. Thank you for being a part of this. Before we get started, I just wanna give a shout out to our new sponsor, the Adult social media at THEADULTSOCIALMEDIA.com. It's a great site where you can go and not be judged and you can look at adult content if you want to, if you're a model or Content creator, you can reach out to your fans. It's an awesome platform. So thank you to asm, Adult Social Media for the sponsorship. And yes, thank you. And with that said, let's welcome once again, Chris, But that wasn't an awkward transition by any means. No.

Chris:

What you got for me? What you got for me,

Eric:

I guess when did you realize you were part of the Q I A plus community and how did you.

Chris:

Wow. Interesting. Okay. There was definitely a journey like most people when I was younger I had a crush on Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Hey JTT just kidding. He hate that he hate said nickname anyways. Was like five. No, seriously, he does. I was like five, maybe six, and I was like obsessed with him. Obviously like most people that age you're different. You just don't know what, and you just don't have the words of vocabulary to describe it. so that would be the first one. But like, when it really started to be something I couldn't ignore anymore was probably around high school. Okay. Kept some, crushes to myself obviously, and I didn't think I was, quote unquote normal It was a very big journey for me. During that specific time. I was in high school, I was a junior at the time and probably going through all the harmonies that, most teenagers go through. But it, the feelings became stronger and, but I was like trying to ignore it because I grew up in a very religious household, especially for my mother's end of things. My dad, Yes. Catholic, but not as hardcore, but since he like lives in the middle of nowhere. New Mexico. like it was a bit harder to have those kind of like conversations and, there was those people and all that stuff. So I used to wake up in the middle of the night like from Stirrings, and then I was like, What the hell is that? No, I can't be cuz I always had girlfriends and, No, love you ladies if you're out there. So sorry. But yeah, I always had girlfriends, but it was just emotions that I couldn't I was like, something's going on. And at that time I was like trying to be religious, trying to be like, do the quote unquote right thing. So I would pray to God, like, how could you create me? Why are, like, why are you allowing some of these thoughts entering my brain? And I went to a very dark place a couple times, had thoughts of suicide. It was very like, like I just didn't want to be this way. I was like, No, there's no future. Cuz that at that time that's what the majority of society was saying. We have no future where we're gonna end up loveless or dive some s t d or have no family. And so I. Went in my room and I sat there on my bed and I was like, I don't wanna live anymore. And but then I quickly was like no. That's not gonna be me. I am not gonna end my life. I made the conscious decision to just make deals with myself, essentially. That's what I was doing. Oh okay. I'm gonna admit it to myself, but no one else. I'm gonna try to have a girlfriend. I'm gonna try to, live a normal life. And I. I, I just couldn't lie to myself. there's like a lot of, this, you guys, every, everybody has their struggle. But I then started making deals with myself again. Oh, I'm gonna tell one person, or I'm just gonna wait until after high school and then I'll be gone. I'll be long gone into a foreign land and everything and I won't ever come back. But then I started getting through the no, like I just can't hide it anymore. The first person I actually told was one of my good friends, Veronica. And that whole morning I was, I have to tell one person, I don't have to tell everybody. I just have to tell one person and I. Like again, sitting in my room I did a lot of sitting, but I was like, I'm just gonna tell her she'll be okay. She can keep it a secret. She's, one of my good friends, but what if she doesn't like me, like anymore? What does she like, not wanna be my friend, like everything, all the questions. But I was like, No, I'm going to tell a person. And I normally walked her to, to one of her classes because the, ours were next to each other. And I told her that, Hey, the other day when you guys were talking about so and I actually like him too, and. I'm gay. She jumped up for joy. She gave me hug, and it was a very precious moment, very key moment. And then I love that, that her response. And she was like, You should tell other people whenever you're ready, You don't have to tell 'em now, but just tell them when you're ready. And that gave me the courage to start telling other friends and family and everything. So like even to this day in a way, I still have some internal struggles from time to time. it's a constant journey. It's, I don't have a super duper dark one. Some of your previous guess, but I, it's still a journey for me. from time to

Eric:

time. We all have our own journey. And your journey makes you. And so we're thankful that you had your journey and that you're here and we're thankful that you didn't go too dark into that dark place. Cause Yeah. Yeah. It's easy to go that route. We're glad that you're still with us and in our lives. You and I know what it's like to be in that space. I've been in that space many times and that's a hard one to pull yourself out of.

Chris:

Yeah. So it was, but I just had to, and with each little step the just gave me the. Courage to even do more and just be my genuine on tech, authentic self, That's

Eric:

all. Yeah. That's all you can do is be your authentic self. Just living your authenticity as we sometimes stay here.

Chris:

Just a little plug

Gil:

in. Not that you've listened to us before. No. Never

Eric:

I'm very thankful that you had such a positive, at least first experience when you came out. Like the first person you told had you had such a positive reaction. Cuz doesn't always go that way, but I'm so glad that it went. I'm so glad that it went that way for you because sometimes you just need that little nudge to okay, like I can start trying to be comfortable in my own skin now and with my own thoughts and with my own emotions. Yeah.

Chris:

Yeah. I mean, It wasn't like that for everyone and. That I told. But yeah.

Eric:

What was it? Was it, what was it like for like your friends and family when you started telling?

Chris:

Most of my friends were like, we already knew, like we were just waiting for out the closet. Yeah, for sure. With

Eric:

your, And hello.

Chris:

My intermediate family, it was, and extended family was a different journey to say to Lisa. My dad thought it was a phase. I didn't tell him until I was 19, closer to 20. My mom, I told her that year by accident actually. Yes. So we were watching Oprah and ironically there was like like she had a guest where they're talking about people coming out is gay to their spouse. And there was this lady, and apparently she had her spouse, she was with her husband. and he came out as gay and that she wanted to bash him over the head with a lamp or something. And I, being me, looked over, looked at my mom and, thought I said it in my head, but I didn't. I said it out loud. Oh no. Okay. I was like I'm gay. And I turned back around and she was like, What? And I like, looked at her and then I was, I looked back at her and I was like, What? She was like, What did you just say? I was like, Ah, nothing. And she was like, You're gay, shit. Yes, mom, I'm gay. Oh, that. The Oh, that started a fury telling me I need to go to the church, speak to somebody. We need to pray about this. Cuz she's super neo Christian. Born again Christian. Okay. So that was fun. There's still some struggles even to this day on that. Okay. But my grandma didn't care. But I will share this is that my grandma told my aunt her, my youngest aunt and her husband got weird. It, yeah, it was like we were at a, like a Thanksgiving or some type of family function at her house and I was in the little playroom with my cousin. younger cousin. He was sitting on the other end of the couch and. I was sitting at the other end, like complete opposite, just watching him play video games, just yeah, I think it was like Scooby Doo or video game at the time or whatever. But I noticed my uncle started pacing down, like in front of the doorway and doing like a Oh wow. Like a quick little check. Oh, wow. And then walking away, and I was like, That's weird. Why is he doing that? But we all know what he was doing. He was checking in on me into making sure that I wasn't being weird or whatever, and was like, Okay, whatever. Dude.

Eric:

That's so unfortunate. That's such a gross attitude. And you still see it to this day and It's Yeah. Irritating. And infu, infuriate infuriating. I can't say that. That's right. No, that's right. That's right. No that, that equation is even made or thought of, like equating an a gay. With

Chris:

a pervert. Yeah. Yeah. I, to this day, don't really talk to him, but I, and all that stuff, I'm like, you're you do you and yeah.

Eric:

Whatever. It's very unfortunate. I think of it this way too. I had this conversation with a friend of mine where like, when you have those thoughts, it's because you have your own insecurities that you're projecting it. So a lot of these bible thumper, quote unquote hetero people, they're thinking of themselves as Oh I'm a guy and I could be persuaded that way, or I could maybe see this if I was in that per So they're putting in their own insecurities and their own discomfort on us and we're like, We're just trying to be able to sit here on the couch and breathe without having someone throw a brick at us. True. True. And they're like, Oh, no. Men are gonna go into the girls' bathroom and like rape women. No. You're thinking of a straight man. Yeah. Who was going to

Chris:

do that? I can't explain some of

Eric:

I wouldn't talk, I wouldn't talk to that uncle either. I don't talk to any of my uncles as it is,

Chris:

but, make friendly talk here and there. But it's more I don't seek them out like I do my other uncle.

Eric:

Yeah. It's more like

Chris:

pleasantries Hello? Yeah. Hello. It's more Hi, how are you? Okay, good, thanks. Good. That's fair. That's pretty much it. Cause Yeah. But the majority of the rest of my family, like my dad's side of the family, there's an aunt and who, I have a cousin that came out as gay. So like they don't really care. And then there's my dad's like brother, I don't talk to them in general. I haven't talked to them since I was 11. Okay. So it's wow, I don't care. But yeah, everybody else was nice. My, my sisters were nice. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I'm really close to them, so I would hope that they're nice. Melissa thought I was joking, but Lena was like, Oh yeah, I totally knew it. I was like, Oh, okay.

Eric:

That's good. At least your intermediate family, for the most part was accepting. I know you said that you had some struggles with your mother and she was so that you needed to go to the church and stuff like that. Yeah. How is that interesting? You don't mind me asking? How is that relationship now?

Chris:

I'm close to my mother. I can talk to her for like hours. Like the other day I talked to her for hours. But I do know that there's subjects you don't talk. Sure. There's lines you don't cross. Like my dad, I can talk to him for good, like 30, 40 minutes. About we've always had a rocky relationship, not just because of my sexuality, just because of other reasons. Yeah. And he's done a 360 he constantly hits me up for grandkids, and he's always Oh, tell Gil I said hi and he needs to visit. Okay. Love you both, he does stuff like that. But my mom, it's she did go to our wedding, but she did. I like, I'm not too clear as to like she went, Did she go? Because she was like, Oh, if I don't go, he's not gonna talk to me. or did she go because she was like, I should be there. So I don't know at what level, cuz there's just things we don't talk about because she's Oh, I love Gil. He's part of our family, but I don't agree with what this is. This is, And I'm like, Okay. So I,

Eric:

I honestly, I get that too. I'm not in a relationship, but I understand that whole dynamic of there's certain things that we don't discuss or there's certain things that I don't need to know about. So you just keep that to yourself or whatever. And I'm just like, part of accepting me is accepting all of me.

Chris:

Yeah. And my family that I choose to to begin my life with or start with. Yeah. It is what it is at this point. Yeah. She's coming in a couple weeks. Oh. So sorry. By the time this drops probably

Gil:

that week. Yeah. She'll be here that weekend. She'll probably, You

Eric:

hear that weekend? Yeah. This is dropping like the week of your birthday, so happy birthday

Gil:

to you, Chris. Have

Chris:

birthday event. Yeah, thank you. Her and my aunt, my closest aunt are coming to visit and I'm in a really excited about that. Oh, that's awesome. That's it's not like we're like, we have to keep it at our odd end, yeah. Like she can come visit me, I love her to pieces. But I love my mom and I love my mom. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

Eric:

No, that's, Fair. I That's a I totally get that. I don't mean to be hogging up these questions, I just go for it. You have such an interesting life and just parts, aspects that I don't know about. So I'm just like how did religion play a part in your coming out and what kind of disparities, whether culturally or socially did you have?

Chris:

Whoa, that was like a deep question. We might have to re or sorry, as they say, corporate world circle back

Eric:

I like to go in deep, like I want a good, like 16 inches in.

Chris:

So I I grew up, my dad's Catholic. Okay. But my mom was Catholic until. Mid nineties, I wanna say around there, before you were born, clearly back in the 19 hundreds. No. God my mom became a born again Christian around that time. Me coming out, I touched a bit about how it try like I was pre, prayed to God because I still do. pray to God from time to time. I still, Are you religious now? Not super religious, No. I do pray from time to time and I do believe in God. I don't know if that God's a man, a female or whatever, but I did go through that religious journey for that like at first I was like, Going based off of what the Bible says. it said, says this says that about being gay. And I wanted to pray it out of me. And like how could I believe in a maker that made me this way? And I heard a quote a bit later in life and it makes sense. It makes perfect sense to me. The quote goes God does not make mistakes. It is the people that decides what is the mistake. So I was like, Oh, wow. Huh. That really stuck with me. And I was like, you know what? Like I believe in God, I live in a higher power. but I'm not super duper religious. I don't go to church or anything. I have my own relationship with God cuz that's between me and. The God I believe that's beautiful. In versus, what? I don't need to go to a place that tells me what God says or interprets like a book and yeah. Tells me how I should think. At, I did struggle with the religious aspect of believing in God at that time as well, because like, how could I believe in a God that made me this way? So I did try Wicca Okay. A little bit. And then I tried to under to get a better understanding of Buddhism. Okay. I thought

Eric:

it wasm. I've gone to Buddhist

Chris:

sort. It's a really beautiful religion and I tried to get it it just didn't resonate with me. So I just became atheist. At one point. Okay. And then I became of slowly went into agnostic. And I like to say I believe in God. I don't call myself like a full on Christian or anything, but I feel like I believe in God, whether he or she, they, whatever. So like spiritual? Yeah. More, I'm more spiritual. Yeah. That's a good phrase. Spiritual, I'm more spiritual at this point in my life.

Eric:

I tend to, I know like on, if you, if anyone's listened to this podcast and are listeners who've listened to it, hopefully you're still listening to us. I know I always go off about religion and I'm like, I hate religion, blah, blah, blah. But I actually do consider myself like agnostically spiritual. That makes sense.

Chris:

That's a good one. Yeah. Makes sense. Yeah. Because

Gil:

I think a lot of it's the interpretation in which the religious practices happen that kinda f up. I think the foundations of a lot of the base, it's love is what it comes down to, but it's just the way that people run with it. They run terribly wrong. With the situation. True. And I think that's the part that I don't like. It's to them it's going to church makes you a Christian. It doesn't, it just means that you guys are all together, cannot read and you guys are listen in the same room, listening to the same thing. But it's like me, if I stand in my garage, it's not like I, I'm a vehicle now. No. I'm a person in the, in a room. It doesn't make me a vehicle. So the same thing with religion. I think I look at the same thing.

Chris:

Yeah. I don't think that I need some book or a religion to tell me that. How to be a good person. Yeah. Person. I'm a, I do it because. I am a good person, not because some other religion or something tells me, Oh I need to do it because God said so. It's, I do it because that's what a good, decent person should do.

Eric:

Yeah, for sure. I always laugh cuz it seems like the people who are either atheist or agnostic seem to be more quote unquote Christlike than Christians do. Yeah. Yes.

Gil:

And

Chris:

I'm growing up in that environment. Yes. I can

Eric:

honestly say that. Yeah cause I mean I went to a Christian school and I was like, the hypocrisy is just so thick in there and you're like, you aren't judging everyone. You are making such hateful comments about things. You are prejudice in this regard and you have this attitude about this, and yet you're preaching all this unconditional love and the people who actually. Seem to be acting out of kindness are those who are like, I don't believe in religion per se, or even a God depending on who the person is, but Right. I believe in being, just being a good, decent person and treating people the way I wanna be treated. Living by that golden rule that we're all taught in kindergarten or even maybe preschool.

Chris:

Oh, that's a good one. That's good. Yeah, that was a good way to put it.

Gil:

That's was interesting when I visited your mom's church, then I was like, Oh, this is

Chris:

mean. All five people were looking at her. At

Gil:

him Yeah. And

Eric:

anticipation were people like throwing holy water

Chris:

at you. the part Christ compels you. Yeah.

Gil:

That wasn't an experience. I will, I did not ask about Hey Eric, did you know that the Q Lounge is on Newsly?

Eric:

Why? Of course, Newsly is an all in one audio super app. It's compatible with both iOS and Android.

Gil:

I love that. Newsly have trending podcasts from over 80 countries, plus awesome articles. Don't you just love reading?

Eric:

Oh, honey, no, I don't read. I'm read to and thankfully the Newsly's app reads stories to you in a natural voice. I can say up to date on any topic from tech, politics, business science, or even one Ms. Janet Jackson.

Gil:

Our listeners definitely need to download and use Newsle for free now at www.newsly.me or from the link or description.

Eric:

Don't forget to use promo code THEQL for a one month free premium subscription.

Gil:

So stop scrolling and start listening to Newsly. So what are some of the greatest experiences that you have gone through so far to get on your journey?

Chris:

Greatest experiences for coming out or like

Eric:

just your life journey coming out, like where you are now?

Chris:

Yeah. Obviously I gotta mention the love of my life.

Gil:

the little plug in there,

Chris:

Jonathan, waiting for you. I'm very glad I met Gil, because Gil also brought a lot of, I know this is gonna be very cheesy for a moment. Aw. But thanks to you, because you're the one that actually had a key role of us meeting, so thank you, Eric. You're welcome. So I'm glad I met him because

Eric:

he, I can match make for other people. I just can't match, make for myself. Go ahead. Sorry.

Chris:

You can, You never know. You might have a inner matchmaker. No. So I'm very glad I met him because he brought a lot of courage to me. Cause he has this love, you husband, this level of arrogance, That's true. Not like in a malicious way, but it's like, why not? Why not be confident? And he brought. A lot of that within me and Ga also we moved over to another state together and we grew up together in a way. you guys have been

Eric:

together for a hot

Chris:

minute? Yeah. Th 13 years. Yeah. Yeah. Tomorrow, Like today, tomorrow when this is being recorded. when this is being

Eric:

recorded. So two weeks ago from when this drops? Yes.

Chris:

Yeah. Yeah, 13 years. So like we, we grew up, we figured like things out cuz it was just me and him and stuff. So I'm very grateful I met Gil. I wouldn't be living in the Bay Area. I'd probably living be living in Denver or Phoenix, like most new Mexicans,

Eric:

I lived in Denver back in New Mexico,

Chris:

so I'm glad I met him. because he's definitely helped me grow up and we figured things out together. Wow. We still do, but, I'm glad I came out. That's another. Thing cause hiding. It was very difficult. Cause I can be overly blunt. I don't like to be told of my flaws, but I can be, very blunt. So holding something in that was just very toxic for me. So I'm glad it came out. And I like, we're finally at this point in my life that it's, I'm still becoming more comfortable with who I am. In terms of like my voice, I'm well aware that I have a lighter voice. And

Eric:

I think your voice is fabulous.

Chris:

Thank you,

Eric:

And it's on, It's weird. Sorry, I don't mean to cut you off. Yeah, go for it. I think a lot of us have insecurities about our voices. Like I and I, this sounds stupid. I know, but I have like severe insecurities about my voice. I think my voice is, you have a very soothing voice. I feel like. I sound like the male Fran. Drescher

Gil:

No. No.

Eric:

And so no. And no, no disrespect to Fran Drescher. She's an icon all into herself. Oh yeah. She's yeah. So I'm very insecure about my voice and people find it weird. No,

Chris:

I'm glad you're doing a podcast. It's very radio voice

Eric:

Yeah. Actually this podcast helped me get comfortable with my voice. Oh, cool.

Chris:

That's good. So yeah I recently not recently at this point, but I guess a few months ago I started wearing, nail Polish

Eric:

High five. I wear nail polish sometimes too. Yeah. I don't have any on right now, but I have a You neither. I have an appointment on Friday. Oh. To get fancy gel. Fancy to get a gel set. I think I'm gonna do like a rich kid over here. I think I'm gonna do like a. Black French Manny Gel Set.

Gil:

Oh, Doctor Money is this old I know.

Chris:

Appointment. I'm the poorest one on the I. I had a a couple of male customers as well as like a couple associates at my job, and I caught myself thinking like, Ew, that's too girly. And I was like, Whoa, where did that come from? So I was like, No. So I started off with one nail and it was glow in the dark. Oh, sexy Then I went to two, then I went to one full hand and then both hands. So it is a constant journey to accept me for me and be okay.

Eric:

Do you, And I'm not trying to project this on you at all. I'm just, trying to relate. Cause I just recently started doing nails, my nails too. I try to paint my own and I just got frustrated and said ef it But I find it almost as me fighting against my own internalized homophobia. Same. And Okay, so no, same. Like I, I went through so many of my, so many years of my life. No, I'm not that. No, I'm not that. Oh, like you said, that's too girly, That's too fem. That's too this, that's too this. I need to be like this. I need to project this. I don't wanna be the stereotypical quote unquote gay or whatever. I want to people to be like, Oh, that's just Eric. Who just happens to be Right. And then at some point you're like, You know what? I'm still denying that part of myself. who cares if I wanna experiment with nail polish or I wanna wear skirts? Or lately I've been wearing crop tops every once in a while. That's just totally out of the norm for Eric because a, I am like super insecure about my body and have complete like body insecurities. And I also didn't wanna be labeled as that stereotypical gay Oh, he's just spewing rainbows all the time. Correct. And at some point, and I, we had a guest who brought it, who. Really shined the light on it with the way he said stuff. I was like, Yeah, I never got that chance to like experiment as a teenager and like make those mistakes and make those discoveries and be in that authentic place with myself that I'm now doing it as an adult and you know what? Fuck you. Let me just be me and let me see what the world has to offer and let me just explore. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like the nail po just the nail polish in itself it's more than just like nail polish. It's actually That symbol, that symbolism of I am going on that journey. I am experimenting, I am pushing an envelope, I am being provocative, whether for myself or for the world. And I'm just being true to myself and I'm seeing like what this has to offer and what this has to offer. So I think there's for me there's heavy symbolism in the fact that oh, now I'm rocking nail polish. Yeah. It's more than just rocking nail polish.

Chris:

Correct. I agree. It's in a way for me, it's accepting a little bit more my feminine side. Also being okay with people calling me girl like you. That was a hard one for me too. It was a hard one for me. Cause like you grew up in New Mexico just like myself. that machismo holiday is harsh, is definitely very prominent there. Absolutely. And now, like when people, like when I'm on the phone, if they call me, Ma'am, I don't like, take offense to it. Okay. I'm like, whatever. Cuz there's nothing wrong with being called ma. There's nothing wrong power to the women, yeah.

Eric:

Hell, who cares? To the, I have a coworker and two of us. So him and I are like the two guys there and we're both gay and then we work with two girls or two women. And so he has a higher pitched voice as well. And so every time he answers they the phone, they think it's one of the girls that we work with. But every time I answer the phone, they just automatically say his name thinking that they're talking to him. Cause they all work full-time. And I work part-time and I. No one knows that I work there, apparently So they just always think it's him. And I'm like, hold on. Alert We just laugh about it now, doesn't it make

Gil:

you wonder, like how if you took away some of the cultural burdens and stuff like that and you had I don't wanna say normal growing up, but without the context of Oh you're gay. Oh, don't do that. Don't do that. How would you have actually turned out if you got to go through a natural, if experience like me, I could almost guarantee I would've been way more. I know that. Does it make you ever wonder how you would've ended up,

Eric:

Is this for both of us or just Chris? For both.

Chris:

Both or just, Yeah, like that's interesting cuz like when I first came out, like I started doing some things that I wasn't okay with. Just personally wearing lip gloss. being a little bit more overly flamboyant than I naturally am. because I thought that was expected of me. So yeah, that, that's an interesting kind of alternate universe kind of thing. Yeah. How would you have I,

Gil:

if you did have those outside, like the outside factors telling you Yeah, that's don't

Chris:

do that. Don't do that. I don't know. That's Whoa. like far out, man. That's interesting to think about. Whoa. What about you Eric? While I think about it

Eric:

I think if I didn't have outside factors, I probably would have been a lot more flamboyant and I'll probably a little bit more out there. I definitely would've been. Much more of a slu I say that all the time, but I would've slept around way more than I did. I regret not doing it. So now, but whatever, it would just clutch my pearls and wipe them off that smeared pearl necklace. I'm like, What is that? It's all sticky It smells like bleach But anyways no, I don't it's hard to say because I think I'm so indoctrinated into the culture that I was raised in that I'm trying to, I'm having a hard time separating it. I do think I probably would've been more over the top, more flamboyant, but I am shy, but maybe I'm shy because of the fact that I was suppressed. Or suppressed. Yeah. Yeah. And because I'm like, I'm an SA survivor, so that just suppressed as a bunch of stuff. I don't know. I think I probably would have been a lot more flamboyant. I would've been more over the top. I probably wouldn't be as insecure as I am now.

Chris:

Same. Yeah, same.

Eric:

Yeah, and I think I probably just would've been like seven 11 and opened for business, like to anybody seven I would've been like the train tunnel. Let's just go

Chris:

Burger King. Hey, you can have

Eric:

it your way. Have it your way. I would be the salad bar. Like all you can eat salad bar

Gil:

Oh, it's like that place in Seattle. You to Salad. Oh

Chris:

yeah, I forgot

Gil:

about that. Yeah, I was wonderful. One of my favorite

Chris:

businesses for all it Safe Salad to Salad was the name. Yeah,

Gil:

it was a to salad where we to your salad. The space in between and the, for the work.

Eric:

They're like, That's amazing. I

Chris:

love that. It was amazing. Completely forgot about them. Oh, I,

Eric:

and I think I probably would have, I give such long-winded answers. Our audience is probably gosh. Or to stop talking. I think I probably would've accepted the things that I like to. Like things that there's a lot of things that like, I secretly liked, but I couldn't let people know that I liked. Yeah. So like even talking about like female singers and like Janet Jackson or something like that. Oh yeah, I like her cuz she's hot, she's pretty, whatever. But it's no, I like that outfit she's wearing. I like the little crop top she has. I like, yeah. The way she moves. I wish I could move like that and like I, I probably would've been a dancer longer than I was because I probably would've gotten into dance as a child rather than as a late teen adult. And cuz I used to practice like moving my body in sexy ways and being able to do all that stuff. But it was like in the privacy of my own room. Yeah, that makes sense. And very few people ever saw that, except for one time when I was. In high school, I was a senior in high school and I taught my senior English class how to do cat crawls, crawls by English love, cross by English teacher's, living room

Chris:

I love that. So

Eric:

that's my answer. That's my very long answer.

Chris:

Yeah. Without, yeah. Maybe we would all be a little bit more, It'd be different. Yeah.

Gil:

Yeah. I know. Like I said, I'd be more, I know I'd been more flamboyant. I probably would've ended up in some form of fashion because it's something I do

Eric:

he would've been more arrogant. Chris

Chris:

he was very arrogant when I met him.

Eric:

he was actually like really meek and shy when I met him. Yes.

Gil:

But I think you,

Chris:

So should I blame you for building

Gil:

them up like

Eric:

Yeah, possibly. Possibly. Cause that was my station in life for a long time. Yeah. Find people that I thought were broken, fix them up, make them all pretty and shiny and put them back on the shelf. Not saying that he was all broken and anything like that, only

Chris:

on the inside

Eric:

but I think, yeah I think he always had that arrogance and confidence because he's talking about

Chris:

do bays. It's very much

Eric:

bays. And he's talked about how his mom like, instilled a sense of confidence in him from So he's always Do you know who you're talking to? Who do you think I am? I ain't Joe. Bitch. So he's always had that. But I think like when I met him, he was just like still discovering who he was as a person. And he was still uncomfortable in his own skin. Yeah. I don't mean to be like making you a case study here, And so I think he's found a fo confidence in me. Cause I was definitely not confident. I wasn't even out when I met Gil and I

Chris:

thought he was You helped each other, Maybe helped each

Eric:

other. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. But I think he saw Oh, he's got this confidence. I can relate to him, blah, blah, blah. And then it just, I don't wanna say it. It was like watering the flowers and then he just bloomed into. The, I'm gonna say Bird of Paradise or Orchid, cuz those are my favorite flowers. Yeah. That he is today. He's just I am this pristine flower that everyone is going to admire and you will, most people will probably never get to touch me, but you get a glimpse of me if I deem you worthy.

Chris:

When I first met him, I went up to him and I told a, like by at that time there were so many Chris forms of Chris in our, my social group. So I went by Chad. Okay. And I went up to him and I was like, Hi, I'm Chad. And he barely put his hand out and was reaching and he was like, Gil. I was like, Okay. Okay. So there was a level of arrogance probably naturally.

Eric:

I got the phone call after that meeting too.

Chris:

You did? Oh my God. We're gonna have to dish later. But when I, he brought me to. To San Francisco for the first time ever. Cause it was like, God, he's a little snooty, snot face. Who is this person? But he brought me here and I was like, Oh, this makes sense. This is Gil. Got it,

Eric:

got it. You know what's, you know what's weird though? I feel and I haven't been to the Bay Area very much, like I've been there twice, but I feel like people in the Bay Area are nicer to me than people here in New

Chris:

Mexico are they're nice and like more you like, interact with them. They're quite nice. Yeah. Yeah. But the initial here is Oh, welcome to my fine city. It's right.

Eric:

Yeah. I think there air, there is an air of superiority, whether it's meant to be there or not, I think, cause San Francisco is just a fucking badass city. So it in the surrounding

Chris:

areas. I love it here. I love it. I love being in a liberal bubble. Yeah. Love it. Love it.

Gil:

So we're gonna ask you a question that's a little new to us. Okay. Okay. Let's, ooh this one. Let's go with this one. This will be fun. What was the name of your first love and why did you fall in love with them

Chris:

outside of jtt?

Gil:

like tangible tangible.

Chris:

Okay. There's no wrong

Gil:

answers besides Gil. Go ahead. Ok. I

Chris:

my sorry to say you're not my first love. Jonathan's still waiting. Still waiting. So you mean like first person I ever dated or? No,

Gil:

the first person where you're like, you fall in love, you've had, loves before. What was your first love? Yeah.

Chris:

Why did you fall in love? Probably my first boyfriend, Christian. He so to go in depth, so he was considered, cuz not very many people that at our age group were out. He was very considered to be like the hottest gay guy and he was like, Masculine presenting So I didn't aesthetically like him at first. I was like, Oh, if I'm gonna be with if I'm gonna have a boyfriend, I'm just gonna go for him. So I invited him, or no, I wasn't me. I think I invited him or I had one of our friends, cause we had a mutual friend. I think she invited him to go to a gymnastic like gym of Paseo. And it was like a group thing. But eventually over time I. Fell in love with him because he was actually thoughtful. For the most part. He was very thoughtful person. He would get me like little gifts, I think that was his love language. Like he got people gifts. And stuff. And then I was like, Oh, you're cute. And started falling for him. And then I think that's what drew me to him at first. I was like, Oh, whatever. I'm just gonna date him because I should have a boyfriend and I'm gonna go for the cutest one. But eventually I was like, Oh, I actually fell in love with him because he was a lot of first for me. I, yeah. I think that's what I was, I'm sorry.

Eric:

Yeah. No that's a great answer.

Gil:

And you're first one,

Chris:

Yeah, he was. There's always that little piece of everyone's heart that has it may be like teeny, teeny, tiny little ounce. That Oh will always belong to the first person that you say, I love you too. And genuinely meaning mean. It like, not to say that with the girlfriends I had when I said I love you, I didn't love them or care for them. It's just that one. It was different though. Yeah. It was it hit different. Yeah. There'll always be that little tiny little thing, in my heart. Little tiny space. Although I have a bigger love of my life.

Eric:

Nice. Save So I'm gonna get, I'm gonna ask you, I think like a three part question. Ooh.

Chris:

Okay.

Eric:

First off, have you ever been pigeonholed to any type of stereotypes or do you think you maybe that's a four part question. Or do you think that you fit any stereotypes? That's the first part. Second part is what do you think comes first? Is it the stereotype or is it the assumption of the stereotype? I

Chris:

wow. Eric. Way to give me an Oprah level question.

Eric:

You get a question and you get a question. Everyone

Chris:

gets question Walters either pigeon hole, probably not. Okay. Other than like doing, wearing lip gloss and stuff like that right after I got out of, like, when I first came out, cuz I thought it was expected of me. a lot of people assume that. Cause am aware I have. Feminine presenting qualities of me. So they probably assume that I'm like overall feminine. But no. could probably vouch for some of the, I'm not a dainty eater at all, So I feel like they, there's a lot of assumptions of how I am. Okay. Versus like when people actually get to know me, they're like, Oh, you're a little bit more boyish than I thought. And I'm like, Yeah. Does that answer your question? It's a very complicated question. Did I cover all of them or do we need to circle back?

Eric:

You answer how you want. What makes sense to you? I don't know if you want reiterate. How do you think that q i a plus community is problematic and how could we fix some of that?

Chris:

Wow. Another Oprah level question. This one. Okay. I think that for being a, we accept everyone. like a pride. Be yourself, be you. There's definitely a lot of racism and people that essentially exude, probably personal insecurities. Onto the people like, Oh, like no fems, no this, no that. A lot of othering. Yeah. And a lot of othering. And they're like, Oh it's just preference. It's not That's racist. I think it's very problematic in that way because you're making assumptions based off of somebody because of the race, ethnicity, heritage, even gender identity. I think that there it's a hard fix because they're so probably internalized homophobia in our community we're just like, we justify it to essentially be like, Oh no, it's okay. It's because I, it's a preference. No, it's probably stems from other things to solve it. Probably just continuous breaking down barriers and actually try to generally get to know people who they are We Gil had a friend that was more feminine presenting. So at that time being younger and where I was at that time I was like, Ugh, what? Gosh, how, like you need to be more manly. And then as I've gotten older of Oh, like they're just being them. They're just being themselves. So I think that's another way is stop preventing yourself from getting to know somebody because that person, whether regardless who they are, where they come from, might surprise you and they might be your ride or die. Yeah. Friend. Just because you talk to them doesn't mean that you want to get with them because there's even that in our community, Oh, I've had it personally at. Forced upon me in certain scenarios where I'm just like, I need friends. Cuz we, it's only me and my boyfriend out here in Seattle. I wanna speak to them. And they're like, Ugh, I don't like you that way. I'm like, Calm down I was not trying to hit on you. I'm just trying to get to know you, get friends and all that stuff. So there is also that as well. I don't like every guy I talked to just the Heteros don't like every person they talk to. Like it's the same spiel. Yeah. So I think they're really preventing themselves from learning to, get to know people in a very deeper level. And who knows, they might be their ride or die best friend till they give their last baiting breath. Who knows.

Eric:

Amen.

Gil:

do you have your fourth question? Fourth part, and they said you had a four

Eric:

parter. Oh, we've already moved on from the For parter. Oh, That was all about the stereotypes and assumptions and all that other stuff. Oh yeah. It was like four different points. Hey, Gill. I was just having a discussion with another one of our guests being flagged on social media. There really needs to be a place where queer content creators can share their content without the fear of being flagged or

Gil:

silenced. Well, Eric, they need to check out the adult social media known as asm, this adult social media.com,

Eric:

the adult social media.

Gil:

What's that? It's the best social online space for adults. Whether you're a content creator, a model, an adult related business, or a fan of any of the above, then you definitely need to check it out.

Eric:

Awesome. A place for models and content creators to connect with their fans.

Gil:

And that's not all you can pose, chat, create groups, sell or purchase content. Plus they have a, dating feature where you can connect with other fans of adult content. Great. Sign me up. Go to the adult social media.com. Sign up for a free, or you could purchase a verified account and start connecting with other adults that appreciate adult content.

Eric:

I'm headed over to the adult social media.com right now.

Gil:

What are some of your guilty pleasures?

Chris:

Oh, my guilty pleasures. So I'm the huge fan of techno dance, electronica music. I do like my heavy metal I would say that's my Marilyn Manson, definitely guilty pleasure. I also, Like cheesy, teeny b shows. There's one called Mako Mermaids. Yes. Gil. Poor Gill. I don't watch it when he's around. Was it called Mako Mermaids? Okay. I heard of, I love teenage cheesy shows.

Eric:

You and I have a show in common. We watch Elite.

Chris:

Ah, I know. Did he hear the Oh, they released the trailer. I

Eric:

know that new starts season November 18th. I know. I'm so excited, but I'm not as excited cuz like none of the original cast is in it. Nah, there's one. No, there's no one in the original.

Chris:

No, they did get rid of a lot of

Eric:

them. Yeah. None of 'em are returning. So it's Patrick, Ari and Mania, like that family are like the bridge for this new class coming up.

Chris:

Technically it takes place at a school, so eventually you have to age out your actors. Yeah. So I get it cuz otherwise you're gonna have somebody who's been a senior for good two or three years. Yeah. You're like, are you just failing it life?

Eric:

Yeah, no I thought about that, that today actually, cuz I was thinking about how this show is coming back on and I'm like, yeah. I mean you're said in a high school eventually you do have, like you just said, you age out, yeah. But yeah, I

Chris:

watched that show. That's a really good show. Yeah. But Guilty. That's not guilty. That's a good pleasure, That's a good one. Yeah, Cheesy Teen B shows like Dance Academy, Make Mermaids, a few of those. Those are my guilty pleasures.

Eric:

That's fun. what advice would you give to a younger you.

Chris:

Who don't overthink things, just be you. Everything will be okay. And you are loved probably by people that you didn't expect it from. And it's okay that the people you wanted to love you are struggling with who you are. But no need to people please them. And you'll meet a very handsome, no now. And you'll be okay. Things will be okay. I think that would be the best. That I could give to my younger self, just cuz there was some struggles here and there. I don't think I had a really bad childhood in comparison to some of a few of your guests. Like I, I had other people along my life and I that I miss and I loved to heaven and earth. And there's also the chosen family that I'd, I surrounded my life with and I'm still friends with them to this day. And we may not talk every day, but every time we talk it's like we've never stopped talking to each other. So I think that would be the best advice that I would give myself is just don't overthink things, just be.

Eric:

That's really good advice. You brought this up a couple times, so I just wanna like maybe ask a question about that. What do you think is the importance of a chosen family? Cause like in the LGBT community, like we were talking about, like you get to choose your family because a lot of times you're shunned by your actual family.

Chris:

So the level of importance for our chosen family? Yeah.

Eric:

Or not necessarily the, I mean it could be the level, but just what do you think the importance of it is?

Chris:

I think we all regardless of who we are, have some sort of person in our lives that we pretty much either consider family or have an outlet away from our family cuz we, we don't choose our family but we get to choose the people that we surround our lives with. And I think it's, I important and very vital to our development, our happiness. that we have that outside outlet, because you may not be getting support from the family, like I mentioned in a previous podcast, is that my safe space was my friend's house. because my friend's mom this is Cardova. Hi, if you listen. She created a very safe space for me. She allowed me, she didn't question things. She just was like, Oh, okay. Everything. Like when I was going through my coming out journey, she, like she would ask me questions not to like, get me there. She would just be like, Hey, what does this mean? Like she was. Interactive with me versus some other people in my life were very like, Oh no, I don't wanna talk to you anymore, blah, blah, blah. She was like, What does this mean? What? And then she would be a little Oh, tell me to tea. Not literally using that cuz it's a newer phrase, but tell her what the gossip is and stuff. So she created that safe space. So I think that me choosing my, one of my closest friends of Veronica as my chosen family, and she brought in an extended people into my life that I to this day can hold very long conversations with. I can talk to Mrs. Cordova for. Quite a long time and just about various things of life. Cuz I had that safe space, I had that chosen family that created even more of a community for me to seek out. So I think it's very important and for those that feel that they don't have it, they probably do somewhere. They just don't know where. And if they are absolutely sure it's not within my local, then I encourage you to seek it out online. Or go to somewhere, try to find a place because it helped me get through a lot of difficult times in my life. And having that support in that community is very important.

Eric:

That's great. I love that. Where do you find your strength in solace now?

Chris:

My solace. I have very different things that I essentially get solace from When I'm really frustrated at work, I come home and I kill things on my video games. like dealing with the public could be very difficult.

Gil:

yes,

Chris:

But conversationally would probably with Gil. And my sisters like, ha I have very deep conversations with them and my husband. So that type of solace and trying to help me process things, I get that from them. But when I just need peace. From whatever it is, just, it doesn't need to be from a specific thing. I jam out nice. I jam out and just listen to some DJs, like B Atkinson or Chanas or Armand Van Buren or somebody. And if they have lyrics in their songs, I'll just play it up and just sing out loud. for you I cannot sing in a professional setting, but when I'm alone I have a Tony Award, so I, Yeah. Sometimes I find solace in books. And travel and stuff like that. There's different things that I like to think I, I escape to, to zone out some sort of aspect in my life that I'm like agitated or overthinking about or whatever. So yeah very many avenues for me to choose from, depending on my focus,

Gil:

awesome. what

Chris:

is your view on allyship much like your chosen family? I think it's very important. Allyship I, to this day I love my allies, my friends that support me and I even. Those that I don't know not this year, I usually go try to seek out a P flag booth and get a hug, my p flag hug. Oh. Because I think that they echo the, our voices are causes. They they echo it to those that refuse to hear it. And we need them to essentially do that for us, because without them, it comes from one group and, it's a bit harder. We'll still try to yell and be in your face about things, but having that allyship, that support from somebody who is not part of our community, is technically part of our community because they are supporting us. So it is very important because, Every I'm hoping one day in the distant future hopefully sooner than later, a, but I think every, would everyone should be an ally or not just start to our community, but also to the people that are often marginalized within their own communities, whether that be race, gender, or religious or whatever. So I think there's different types of allies, but I think it's very important to have them.

Eric:

I agree. I think you need to have the voice of people within the majority. Yeah. As you said, to amplify the voice of the minority.

Chris:

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think without them, we wouldn't be able to get, be, to get married or. Have or right now at least. Yeah. We'll find out, but yeah.

Gil:

Yeah.

Eric:

You'll always be married in your heart. Yeah.

Chris:

Oh. Just because ain't that,

Gil:

We're not restarting it. There are no back houses for You're restarting. We're not

Chris:

restarting

Eric:

another eight years to wait for the engagement to come, be accepted and come around.

Chris:

You know what, Eric? That is too soon. Why? Why? Speak of it. No.

Gil:

That sure. It took us, what, five years to finally pick up our marriage license.

Chris:

Did it really? Yeah. It. We just kept putting it off like all We'll do it like, we'll even tell ourselves often when we go to the city we'll be like, okay, this is the, we'll go and grab the copy. Yeah. Just, oh no, it's too late. We need to eat lunch and then by the time we're done with lunch we gotta go do this. So eventually, like after, this Roe v. Wade got overturned and there were there started talking like, Oh, gay marriage is probably on the docket is on the dock. So then we're like, we have to go get it. And as evidence if it is no longer valid that we once were it's interesting cuz one of my associates asked me, she was like, Why do you refer to Gill as your husband all the time? And I was like, Oh, I think it's because. When I was younger, I didn't think I was gonna get married. So I think the fact that I can say he's my husband is just next level. Amazing. Aw. Because I, I honestly thought within my own lifetime I was like, probably when I'm really old is probably when they're gonna find a, gonna allow us to get married, which to me doesn't make sense that they voted on it at all. But I was like, yeah. So I think that's why like a husband, she's You keep saying husband. And it's funny cuz she like, whenever she talks about him now, she's like, how is husband Aww. But it's cause I, yeah, I just never thought I was gonna be able to get married and I'm married so I'm really aw, I love that kind of thing. I think

Eric:

that's fantastic. and hopeful and hopefully. Nothing changes and you guys get to still have that marriage recognize, but like I said, which you recognize Yeah. it'll always be in your heart regardless.

Chris:

I think being in California will won't be okay.

Eric:

Yeah. Cuz I think they're just gonna try to push it back to the states. Yeah. In California is very liberal.

Chris:

Yeah. A safe state. So Yeah.

Eric:

Unless you live in Orange County, but

Chris:

we don't talk

Gil:

about them.

Chris:

we don't talk about them. Yeah. So it'll be interesting how it plays out. Yeah.

Eric:

Awesome. Thank you so much Chris for joining us for this interview. Oh, thank you. It was like really great to be able to have this conversation with you. I feel like I know you better than I did before, oh, thank you. Yeah. Thank you so much for being willing to be so open and sharing with us. I greatly appreciate it. I know our listeners greatly appreciate

Chris:

it. If I may quickly interrupt. Yes. I do not have a diva You normally ask that to your Oh,

Eric:

yeah. I almost asked you that question, but then I was like, No, he's So into his edm. Yes. Yeah. That and his DJs that he's not gonna have a diva. And I remembered that from a conversation that we have

Chris:

with, Yeah, I have no diva but thank you. I cheated if I didn't ask. So you can edit that part out.

Eric:

Oh no, we can keep it in.

Chris:

No. Okay. But yeah, thank you for having me. You're

Eric:

welcome. Thank you so much. And yeah, we'll be around next week. Thank, Shout out again to the adult social media for sponsoring us and hey, thank you so much, Chris,

Chris:

for everything. Happy

Gil:

birthday husband when it drops

Eric:

Happy anniversary for tomorrow. Yes, for when we're actually recording this. And then happy birthday for a few days after this actually dropped. So you just have this big, huge, lottery episode that it's hitting and there's no like monetary attachment coming with that lottery win of the episode

Chris:

can always donate to me through my MySpace.

Eric:

Thank you so much. Thank you guys all for joining us tonight and or on the podcast and we will see you next week or chat with you next week. Bye.

Gil:

thank you for listening to us. We hope you enjoyed your time in The Q Lounge. If you have any questions, comments, suggestions on topics, or if you would like to be a guest or contributor, please email us info.TheQlounge@gmail.Com or through our contact page at theqloungepodcast.com. Don't forget to subscribe to continue listening wherever you get your podcasts. If you want to be our sugar, daddy hit that donation button.

Eric:

Until next time live in your authenticity.