Sept. 9, 2020

Episode 2

Episode 2

We discuss the naming of The Martha P. Johnson park, dating apps and ghosting.

Transcript
Eric:

Hello and welcome to the Q lounge podcast. We are your hosts. I'm Eric

Gil:

I'm Gil.

Eric:

Join us as we discuss news stories and life situations. As they relate to the LGBTQIA plus experience, please visit us@theqloungepodcast.com and hit that subscribe button or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, welcome to the Q lounge. I'm Eric.

Gil:

and I'm Gil.

Eric:

today we're going to discuss, history and where we've come from and things that are going on and how they affect us today. Some really good news. I don't know if you heard Gil or not. Martha P. Johnson got a park named after her Cuomo named a park after her, which is awesome because without,

Gil:

yeah,

Eric:

very much so without her we're still fighting for rights and equality, but we would be even more so because she did so much. Absolutely for the community and yay. That's great. so yeah, I can't express how happy I am for that. And hopefully this is the first in a long line of monuments and parks and city streets to be named after contributing LGBTQIA plus. People because we've done a lot for society, even though we've been shunned most of our lives.

Gil:

Absolutely. Eventually we'll get that. I know here in the Bay area, we have our Harvey milk day and we celebrate it on his birthday in March. yeah. So it's definitely, like I said, little steps, a little bit of a steps we will get there.

Eric:

I don't know that we have anything like that here in New Mexico. I can be really shady and be like, we don't have anything like that in New Mexico. Cause we have too much of the Machismo attitude, but in seriousness. I don't think we have anything like that here.

Gil:

I was going to say not, I didn't realize not everyone celebrates Cesar Chavez day either.

Eric:

No, I

Gil:

had no idea that was not a thing or even not all States recognize MLK. Up until fairly recently,

Eric:

which is

Gil:

another baffling moment.

Eric:

I remember years ago and I don't even know how many years ago it was. Cause it was a very long time ago, but Arizona didn't have MLK day and they lost the super bowl because of it.

Gil:

As they should.

Eric:

Exactly. yeah, hopefully we'll eventually have a Martha P. Johnson day and I think that's definitely a step in the right direction. So thank you, Governor Cuomo for that. That's I think something that we really needed in our community.

Gil:

Yes. Some people look forward to,

Eric:

cause you have to think about, it's definitely, it was before my time. So it was definitely before your time, but they haven't, they had to fight a lot even to be heard. Soliciting gay sex was illegal. So you have to go into the gay clubs and the gay bars just to feel even slightly safe and then to have, basically sting operations to come in and catch you in the act of even just soliciting or talking to somebody in a sexual manner That was at the same sex. So Oh my God. we have made a lot of progress for the fight we're still doing. I will say we've made a lot of progress. I think it's something that we're still fighting for.

Gil:

But representation I think is correct for that new generation to see these specialty ones. We got, I started getting like statues in place, just as much as we put it for war heroes. And for the conquistadors and, especially like in New Mexico where

Eric:

they're taking a lot of that

Gil:

down or all the Confederate. statutes in the South, that one baffles me. Yeah, those should be gone.

Eric:

I don't understand how people get so up in arms. Well that was our history. No, that was against America. Honestly, the Confederates were against America. that I don't understand. The battle of that. they shouldn't even be, there should even be a battle because they shouldn't even be there, but because they are there, yes. Those fuckers need to come down.

Gil:

Absolutely. That's shame that is all. Yeah. They should look at that and shame and not so much of a that's my history, just as much, like I said, but definitely it's needed for the next generation to see that representation. It does help the visibility of it. And it's normal. The normalcy of it.

Eric:

I think. Definitely more representation will help. and that's why I get really excited now that there's More shows like even a Hollywood thing. Yeah. A little bit more inclusive. Hollywood's kind of weird. No, to me, because they're all about being like pro gay and pro LGBTQIA. But then at the same time you have actors who are still shunned if they play a gay role or one thing I have issue with is every time an actor plays a gay part, I shouldn't say every time. Cause I don't know that's for fact, but I know often when a straight actor plays a gay. Character they're like seen as being brave and Ooh, they had to play a gay character and they had to like really get into this and they had to go against their norm and Oh, they had to do all this. And I'm like, you're an actor. And that should just be something that you can do. it may not be part of your life, but or something that you're used to, but as an actor, you will do your research and you. Get yourself familiar with that type of life. I've done very little acting. but I do know what it's like to have to get into character and have to research a character, at least even for a little bit,

Gil:

your first 22 years. yeah,

Eric:

for sure.

Gil:

actors at the same time, if you think about where we were, just what, 20 years ago with Jake Gyllenhaal, having the Brokeback Mountain and his reaction to how do you play a gay character versus Michael Cimino in the, Love, Victor series when they asked the exact same question and they both have, 20 year difference and the progress we've made work to him. It's what, why are you asking this? it's kinda the issue

Eric:

going back though, to Brokeback Mountain, which I think I'm the only person in the world who does not like that movie. I do. I was not a fan of that movie and I know that's a blasphemy, but. I'm just not a fan of that movie, but Heath ledger was really great and gracious about everything with that role. I actually just recently saw something with Jake Gyllenhaal and he was talking about how, I guess the Academy had wanted them to do like a comedic thing about it when it came out and Heath Ledger was just like, no. That is disrespectful and that is not right. And I was like, good for you. even back then, like standing up for what was right. I get what you're saying. I think, back then, I think a lot of it too, was it was unfamiliar. It was that uncomfortable thing. So you joke about what's uncomfortable, but you have, like you said, the younger generation, I don't know if you said that here, but you have a younger generation who is fighting for more, that equality in that. Stance of being equal. So you have Michael Cimino now who's doing Love, Victor, which is a great show I can't believe I have seen that show 15 times because. I love it so much. And It also further proves that I have been out of work, so I've had the time to watch that show.

Gil:

It's, you got to find inner peace. During this time of day, a lot of us were able to reset, learn new things, take time, to really slow down and smell the damn flowers that are there.

Eric:

True. Very true. And that's why I said the other day it's been really great. But even if you look at even DC, you're starting to get more representation in DC and even in, just in local politics as well, which is also great. Cause we need that representation there. One thing that makes me really happy. I was talking to a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago. We were on a hike and I was talking to her and we were talking about where gays are now compared to where they were when we were her. And I were growing up and where the her and I are the same age. And we were basically saying that, I'm really proud of the fact that. It's a lot more accepted. Now it's a lot more tolerant than I don't want to say tolerated. I hate the word tolerance. It's not about tolerance. It's about acceptance. I'm so happy that it's much more accepted now, because that means all the work that has been done in our generation. And definitely prior to us, all the work that's been done for decades before us and through us and up until now has made it easier. And I think you mentioned in our last episode, you always want to give the next generation what you didn't have. So you want to push them forward. So they're still pushing forward, but they're not having to push through all the shit. We are ha we had to push through and we definitely didn't have to push through a lot of the stuff that Martha Johnson had to push through and the people back in the sixties. so it makes me really happy to see that they have that. Few steps ahead already. Correct. Where I get a little sad is a lot of times they don't know history and they don't know where things come from and we can't all know everything about everything and that's fine too, but just at least be respectful of the fact that it hasn't always been this easy. Correct. And so we've had to fight and we've had to push to accomplish things so that you can now have what you have and you can now. Be a little bit more integrated into society, I think it's a little bit easier than it was when I was growing up. Yeah. I know. It's easier than it was when I was growing up because I had to look over my shoulder and you couldn't even hold hands.

Gil:

Yes. It was a PDA, definitely was not a thing. Or even like when I was recently in all recent as a last year in Madrid and it was just eye opening and just the LGBTQIA, The influences out there were just, it was so open and casually was so nonchalant. it was I'm from the Bay area and it was just like DAMN I was quite taken back and it was wonderful. It was almost surreal.

Eric:

That's really beautiful,

Gil:

and I mean that, I, I know people are like, Oh, it's Europe. No, it's still a very conservative culture. It's well in Spain. but no, I must say they made some huge progress, out there, but it's, yeah. That's really,

Eric:

that's really beautiful. That makes me happy to know that. Yeah. Yeah. I know here in Albuquerque and you can attest to this too, because you did live here for a brief half second of your life. it's because of the Latino culture. It's. Not super accepted or at least it wasn't when I was younger. with all the progress we've made, I still feel like we're held back in a lot of ways, but I think we do that to ourselves as a community too. Like we always talk about wanting to have this type of relationship or to have that. And then when you think you find it, then you get ghosted and I don't know, I have an issue with ghosting probably cause I've been ghosted a lot. I get ghosted all the time, which I'm sure there's something wrong with me. That's right. Causing the ghosting. But I also, a lot of people just like to ghost because people are assholes rather than saying yo dude, you're a little too much, or you're not enough. It's just they stop talking to you.

Gil:

You can be like ghosting for those who don't know, It's

Eric:

basically when someone just like stops talking to you and they stopped responding to you. And you know that they're there, they're getting your messages. And they're still just not responding. At least that's how I know ghosting. And I've had people that I was quote, unquote, dating, like literally dating. We were labeled and then ghosted me,

Gil:

Oh my God, it's so rude. The

Eric:

audacity, you know how that makes a person feel?

Gil:

Yes, it is awful.

Eric:

Yes. It is an

Gil:

awful feeling.

Eric:

Yeah, I've had that happen to me twice where I was In a labeled relationship and they both started ghosting me. I get ghosted all the time when I'm like, just chatting with people and then they just stop responding. And it's usually, cause I won't send them with Dick pic or a hole shot, but, Yeah. So I got ghosted all the time and I think a lot of people do. I know you don't, but you aren't in that world.

Gil:

Yeah. I'm part of the old generation where it was a meeting of people in person Craig's list. What else did we have back then?

Eric:

I would say, Oh, I don't know if you've ever been ghosted, but even back then, people would just not return your calls or return your text messages.

Gil:

Yeah, it was different than if you'd send a photo. I looked like a Lego back then because of the half of a megapixel camera. I had my phone. it was different then. Yeah. we did have our form of it at the same time, not that it happened very often to me also, because I was, I'm cold to put it politely, and I was very why should I not be single, make me want to date you and make me get out of my single state. It was I was always in that mindset. so I really didn't waste a lot of time with people and I also was just emotionally protecting myself because I did want to put up all that effort for one night and then I have to restart again. I don't got time for that.

Eric:

Yeah. you've never even really had to deal with that though at all. I don't think, cause you basically went from one relationship to another relationship. I know you had a few months of singledom were you single for two years?

Gil:

It was about two years, two and a half before he met Chris. Okay. Went on dates in between, but I did it about two years.

Eric:

Oh, wow. I literally thought it was like six months.

Gil:

no, we were in the clubs. That's why

Eric:

I literally thought it was like six months. Okay. Two years, but you still you can, you had two years to get some fun out well I'm sure you still have fun, but

Gil:

yeah. You went from different,

Eric:

you went from one relationship, you have a long term relationship and then you were single for a couple years, and then you went right into another long term relationship and now you're married. So

Gil:

I know, and it was funny cause I did not like when he and I both went into it, there was no expectation of, Oh, this is the rest of our life. We were just like, So we're here, I'm moving to Seattle. You want to join them. Okay.

Eric:

it's because of me, it is that you guys even met. And the weird thing is I never even knew Chris. I knew his cousin, but I didn't know she was his cousin at the time. It was my at the time friends who knew him and it was like, his sister. Yeah. She knew him and his sister and I knew his sister, but not really that well, and she was like, Oh, we should hook Chris and Gil up. and then, yeah, I guess the rest is kind of history.

Gil:

I know. Yeah. Cause we have to no other bubble because he and I have no other connections, no other friends that know each other. It was.

Eric:

That is super random. Then it was weird to find out that I knew his cousin. Correct. And I hadn't had no idea she was his cousin. And so I think you told me,

Gil:

yeah. I was like, how does she know Eric?

Eric:

I

Gil:

started digging.

Eric:

Everybody knows me. no, hardly anyone knows who I am. you're one of those little lucky assholes that never ghosting, sorry. You're not an asshole. that had to deal with that. You've never had to deal with that type of stuff.

Gil:

no, not. Yeah. Cause like even when he and I started dating, it was just, I think six months, four months before Grindr launched and the only reason I was aware of that is back in 2009 because my roommate at the time, was on it. He had just broken up and suddenly I was like, The house became a revolving door. and I thought Oh, what's going on here? And he was like, Oh, this cool app. It's the devil

Eric:

yeah, I remember the first time I heard about it. I was at a hookah lounge and I ran into a former student of mine and, I used to perform at hookah lounges cause I was a belly dancer. So I ran into a former student of mine and he was telling me all about it And he's but never, ever get on there. And I'm like, why? He's cause it's a bad place. You don't want to be on there. So of course, what do I do? I go and sign up for it right away. And I'm like, Oh, let me see what this is all about. So yeah, it was like, of course I'm going to go check it out. And I think I did Grindr and Craigslist simultaneously for awhile, and then I got into Scruff as well. And and I used Hornet also. I even

Gil:

thought that was the thing.

Eric:

Yeah. And I think he said, I was like, what? And Craigslist doesn't Craigslist itself exists, but the personals don't exist anymore. They had to get away with it. They had to do away with those, but, I think I pretty much just use Grindr, Scruff and Hornet. I don't use Hornet anymore. And I did actually just get on Daddyhunt recently, but I was only on it for like maybe two weeks, maybe three, I would say probably two weeks and not off of it. I was recently on Grindr and Scruff again for about two weeks and got off of them too. So I fluctuate I'll be on them for Two to eight months. And then I'm off of, for a week to two months. actually this last time though, prior to getting back on for two weeks, I was actually off of it for probably three or four months, which is actually pretty long for me. but again, sometimes I get bored and I'm like, Oh, I wonder who is on now. And yeah, you meet interesting people. I've actually, I will admit this. I have met probably three or four people who I'm actually still friends with. Oh. from Grindr and actually one on Scruff too, And actually I'm still friends with them. I don't talk to them or hang out with them all the time. and w e ll go months and months without really talking to them, but we're still friends. We're still in each other's phone books and everything else. So it's been pretty cool, it is what it is. it's what it's used for. it definitely comes in handy when you're looking for that little hookup, as long as they don't ghost you. Which I think is what we were originally talking about.

Gil:

Correct. But I think it's definitely the it's made it more convenient for the ghosting opportunity. And I think that might be a slight difference from before where ghosting's always been a thing now, just update the verbiage and what's lying. It's being used for it. But the concept, I think it's definitely has not changed either you're straight or gay. It's still that same thing of, it's boom, They disappeared altogether. What the hell happened? Yeah. Especially nowadays where if they're like, Oh, I didn't have, before you can lie, you could say, Oh my landline, Oh I ran out of minutes, which was the thing back then or texting. I have only 50 that I could use. You could send remember.

Eric:

I forgot. There used to be a. Texting limit. I knew there was minutes on phones and had unlimited minutes, like from this time to this time, or Oh, we have unlimited nights and weekends. I'm like, Ooh, that's super awesome remember.

Gil:

And then dial up if you're like, Oh my God, I'm going to try to chat with you. We had a dial up and hope to God, no one called you

Eric:

through it. The connection I do remember that. but I forgot there was a limit on texting. Yeah.

Gil:

that's why we think about it back then. You had a little bit more excuses. of certain things, he, it was plausible nowadays with everything it's like I said, ya know when they're on,

Eric:

when they're on and when they're not responding or all of a sudden the conversation just disappears, like around one of those apps, because they just blocked you from when that definitely happens a lot too. But I think

part

Gil:

of maybe if people just, it's the lie that they tell themselves that they want to be this atypical white picket fence in a relationship monogamous or whatever it is. And I think people just need to be truthful to themselves. Maybe they're not looking for relationship and that's fine. And that's great. But I think a lot of them like to use that as they're shattered, Oh my God, no great person. I want a really, I'm looking in yearning, but everything you're doing. Doesn't indicate it in any capacity.

Eric:

True. But it could also, it could be their game and they could just be spitting that game. And it works for a lot of people. I use the innocent card back. Yes. You use the innocent card. He was always clutching his pearls and then wiping off that pearl necklace. but I think apps have, like you were saying, like it's not as personal. Yeah, cause that's, it's online, it's over apps. So I think because there's that disconnect of a personal relationship type thing, or a person to person situation, it's easier to disconnect because you. You literally don't care about that person. Who's on the other side because they're nothing to you. You're meeting them on a site to get your dick sucked or have to get some Dick gets some ass, whatever. Absolutely. And, so it's just easier to be like, Oh yeah, whatever block ghost. I'm not responding. Quit texting me every five seconds cause I'm not responding to your messages anymore. And then also on the flip side too, I think it makes it easier for people who are non-confrontational and don't want to be like, no stop talking to me or I'm not interested so that it's I'm just going to ignore them because they don't want to hurt someone's feelings. But at the same time, they are hurting someone's feelings cause they're not responding, but they don't want to hurt someone's feelings. So they're just not responding in hopes that the person will take the hint. And the thing is and I have to tell myself this all the time. No response is a response. Correct. And I actually lived by that as one of my mantras now. but I think it's easy for people to just be like, Oh no, I'm not going to respond because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings or that person's annoying the fuck out of me. So I'm just not going to respond to people, and I don't know how I feel about that. Good or bad. Cause I obviously don't like to be told no, or Oh, you're not my type, but like that crushes me too. But. I don't like not getting responded to. Cause I, I think I would respect it a little bit more if they just were like, no, you're not my type. I'm like, okay, that kind of sucks. But whatever, you can't force that on anybody, but just to be ignored, it's hard.

Gil:

Especially as like when you emotionally rank a person and you're when you're like attraction is part of it. Like when you meet a person, when you're in front of them and you're like, Oh my God, this person is attractive. And you do run that risk as the vulnerability is that. when you do tell them, Hey, you're cute, but they may not feel the same towards you in your book. Yeah. They're 10, but they look at you like, this is a four at best, you can't control it. Yeah. And you hope that it's mutual and It's harder. And also his online profiles could be fake as we all know, or also you could become anyone online. And I think that's also that big risk and that's. For me, it's always scared me. That's why I never even got onto Craigslist. I was like, I don't know who you are.

Eric:

And that's true

Gil:

because I see people's Instagram and some of my friends were like, I've got to look where I'm at. I'm like you, 99% of the time are on the couch. I doubt you're out there hanging, going on a, jumping off a cliff and suddenly in this pole and river and all that. That's a lie because your personality is boring.

Eric:

you can definitely get yourself into some shady situations I've been into not crazy. I've definitely put myself into some shady situations. Not completely crazy. But probably situations that I should not have necessarily been in. Yeah. But I'm still here, so that's that's good.

Gil:

PSA, be safe

Eric:

and talking about fake profiles, like fake profiles. I actually, someone was hitting me up from a fake profile earlier today. There are so many fake profiles, whether they're bots. And just like completely like fake people and not even really a person or someone who's there pretending to be someone else. And you're like, I know that person is not in Albuquerque or that's where I'm from or whatever city you're in. And I know that person's not here. I follow this person on Twitter and they are actually in Spain right now. Correct. So

Gil:

I get the female bots, like looking for a good thing. I'm like, honey, married and gay. This is the wrong profile.

Eric:

I know when I was on OkCupid and, I was on match two for a brief moment, but I didn't really do much with Match when I was on OkCupid and Tinder. I guess you could say I use those apps as well. Is

Gil:

Tinder the swipey one,

Eric:

the swipe you one. Okay. I actually there's a lot of apps now that have that swipe feature. Yes. I think Tinder was the originator of it. And the Tinder has totally turned into a hookup site to be at least for for guys for gays. But I'll get women in Tinder and OkCupid. and on Facebook dating cause Facebook and now has a little dating thing too.

Gil:

They try to become Myspace.

Eric:

They are, I miss Myspace. I miss the blog feature. And I miss you could customize it, but anyway, If I

Gil:

had to go check out our old blogs, I'll be like, Oh my God, Gil is so dramatic. Really? Was it that bad?

Eric:

I'm dramatic. Anyways. I'm still very dramatic. So I would probably, I expect that those old blogs were very dramatic. Oh yeah.

Gil:

I'm afraid.

Eric:

Myspace wiped out all your blogs though. Because I actually signed on to Myspace. probably, like a year ago, actually to look up some of my old blogs and I was like, I couldn't find them anywhere I of on my page. And like all these friends. Were like still in my top five or whatever. Oh my God.

Gil:

The top eight, you had to be in the top,

Eric:

right? Yeah. And

Gil:

political.

Eric:

And so I was like, where's my blogs. Where's my blog. So then I did a Google search on where the blogs were and it said after I forgot what year it was, they pretty much just like you erased all that contents and I'm like, Dammit. I wanted some of that, but it's fine, but yeah, I miss Myspace. yeah, Facebook now has a little dating thing too, and I get women on that one too. And I'm like, yeah, I don't think we will ever match. I don't think we will ever be a good connection. And I don't know why they put women on there for me, because I said, I'm a guy looking for guys, but. I don't know,

Gil:

just spice it up,

Eric:

and I don't know. it's funny. I think talking about having that disconnect, it's it's the same as like Twitter thugging. And Facebook representing where we're behind the keyboard. We can be all tough and crazy. And in your face, on the other side of the keyboard. And I think that kind of goes with these dating apps too. Like I can say all these things, I can send you all these pictures and you don't know if it's really my body parts or not. I will say like I don't send other people's body parts. Cause I think that's actually really tacky and I think if someone sent you a picture, like a Dick pic, and then you like sent it to someone like started sending it to other people, like that's illegal, it's illegal and it's an invasion of their privacy. So

Gil:

yeah. I don't know if it is in other States, but in California that I believe from my understanding that's illegal and it could be open a lawsuits galore.

Eric:

Yeah. I believe that's true. Pretty much everywhere, but I'm not a lawyer, I believe it is illegal, but again, I'm not a lawyer and I don't know the laws and to that depth. So I can't say that it is, but I think it is

Gil:

to be safe. Don't send.

Eric:

Don't send other people's. Yes. If you want to send your own, that's totally fine. I've sent, them, I'm not going to say I haven't, I've sent those types of pictures, but they are of me. You never see my face in them. So they can't necessarily be, they can say my name and have my number attached to it, but you don't know that you don't know that it's actually me because my face is not in them.

Gil:

Oh my God. That's awesome. Yeah, they're going to be like, please stripped out and let's prove these photos, the authenticity,

Eric:

no, you don't want to see that. Maybe you do want to see that. I don't know.

Gil:

Oh my goodness. Yeah, but it's definitely interesting the way things have evolved with this day and age with the mobility of the apps and, In the internet, and, just what you could do without the good and also the evil. And

Eric:

now I'm going to cut you off really quick. I will say, cause I'm like I'm sitting here dogging on those apps. I've definitely used them a lot and they do serve their purpose. Like when you really just need to get off really quickly quick is a relative, they serve their purpose. they are definitely something that I'm glad that I've partaken in and probably will again, in the future because as I am single people need to have their moments of fun.

Gil:

test the cars out there or you purchase. so that's what's happening right here, people,

Eric:

but COVID has totally fucked that over for me because I am practicing social distancing, and it's hard to give a blow job with a mask on. So

Gil:

you are being a safe American.

Eric:

they definitely serve their purpose.

Gil:

Absolutely.

Eric:

I'm jealous that you've never had to deal with them because I would have rather never had to deal with them either. Yeah. such as life,

Gil:

you,

Eric:

at least they're entertaining and they've gotten me off more than once or twice or a thousand times. Probably not. thousand times. Cause I'm not that popular, but.

Gil:

You've circled your block. One time gently around

Eric:

leisurely walked.

Gil:

Leisurely

Eric:

walked

Gil:

out of house for the lord.

Eric:

We will say I ha I tend to have a more game and this is actually true before even apps came out. I have more game in other cities and in larger cities, I seem to be more attractive. To people in other cities.. And in larger cities, which is cool. Actually, I don't know if I ever told you this story I met. I think it was on Grindr though. When I came to visit you in Seattle, I, One night met some guy on Grindr and I've literally walked like a mile and a half or two miles to his house at 1130 at night and some strange city that I had no idea where I was at. Luckily Seattle super walkable, and it was fun and

Gil:

it's safe. It's safe. Trust me that it's not crazy in any capacity.

Eric:

It's good because Albuquerque is not that safe,

Gil:

Oh God,

Eric:

no. And I've met people in weird situations here too, but. Not to that degree. Cause like I said, it was an unfamiliar city and I'm like, yeah, I need to get off right now. but yeah, I'm definitely much more attractive in larger cities.

Gil:

Also remember the metros that you're like in Denver and Seattle and whatnot, they are the larger populations versus. Albuquerque or to like limiting down to that hope to God, the 10% or whatever stays true. And even that's a small population and there's, I enjoy Albuquerque because of that's where I grew up in a sense of grew into who I am. And I got to develop as a person, it's a male and all that kind of stuff, but the gay community within to me is very. Stereotypical, because that's what they know. So

Eric:

I hear that a lot. And I hear that from them. I hear that from people who are from large cities.

Gil:

Yes. That cause when I came there and I was looking around all like it, cause people are like, Oh, you're gay. I'm like, yes. And then being the Bay area, they could see that from a mile away because we know within each other, but in Albuquerque, it stood out so much. It's like when the, when you said you were gay, you were like flaming rainbows and you're walking around with the, the full. Macy's day parade kind of thing. but in others, bigger city to metros, it's very subtle. There's certain keys, certain things that you would realize that they were, or may not be. but in Albuquerque to me, everyone stood out so much, whereas Oh, you can't miss it. It's either you're hella straight. Or you're hella gay, it was almost like no one in between. And you had to prove it because when you're out there, you had to be out. it was just that kind of mentality. And that's why I feel like, maybe cause you don't fit into that stereotype. It's the stereotype, the atypical stereotype would be as much as people are. Oh, there's you don't want to, there's no stereotypes. There are, let's be real. There are that's my, we see it. When you go to Denver, you go to Seattle, being in the Bay area. I'm sure when you're in Los Angeles, it's the same thing because you're just another person, another drop in the bucket of millions of people there. So you,

Eric:

yeah. Albuquerque definitely is. It's hard. It's definitely a kind of small town feel. not every, you don't know everybody, but everyone knows everybody. So yeah, I get that point. I don't know that. I think it's this extreme in that extreme, but that could just be because I live here. yeah.

Gil:

I didn't know, my people are rude for the Bay until I left. And then I realized huh, we're not the friendliest of people. I thought we were so nice.

Eric:

and I've never, I've never, I've lived in Denver, but, as far as like all those other cues, I don't know. I guess I've just never been around it a lot.

Gil:

It's not to offend that at all. Like I said, the things that I observed

Eric:

with, no, I'm not saying that it was,

Gil:

I liked it so much. It took one home and I married it.

Eric:

Yeah, you did. You actually did. I don't know that I've had that experience per se, or I haven't known enough about it to make that decision or be able to decipher how it is in a larger city versus how it is in a smaller quote unquote city. Yeah. I just know that people in larger cities are nicer to me.

Gil:

You fit in better.

Eric:

Maybe that's it. Maybe that is it.

Gil:

you fit in much better in these communities. It's just what you do is, your dog groom, your acupuncture. You though, you did belly dance. You've done all kinds of dance. that is such a, for me, Berkeley you would fit it so well. in the larger city and kind of the way you, you dress? No, one's wearing Armani and Gucci shoes in Albuquerque in the Bay. Yes, absolutely.

Eric:

There are now there's people in Albuquerque that was super well off and where all that stuff. yeah. Who knows? Maybe I'll. Find my way to a larger city, one of these days and give it another shot because I'm definitely ready to fly out of this town and get somewhere. Yeah, we'll see what happens. I,

Gil:

and don't get us wrong. New Mexico. It's a beautiful state. Best sunsets of my life. Sky for days, money goes a long way. The food is excellent.

Eric:

it's also super unhealthy, but it's

Gil:

so good, but it is really good. Weight gained weight correctly.

Eric:

It is good. it is good. It is. But who knows, maybe I will be in a city near you and starting my life anew. And hopefully I'll see people around. Yeah,

Gil:

absolutely.

Eric:

So until Next time. We're going to go ahead and sign off and hope you enjoyed the Q lounge, and we hope to be in your ears next time. Thank you.

Gil:

Thank you for joining us. We hope you enjoyed your time in the Q lounge. If you have any questions, comments, suggestions on topics, or you would like to be a guest or contributor, please email us at info.TheQlounge@gmail.Com or through our contact page at theqloungepodcast.com while you're there hit that subscribe button or listen wherever you get your podcast. If you would like to further support us, hit that donation button

Eric:

until next time live in your authenticity.